A creepy expat in Southeast Asia explains why money = tits and how this makes exploiting poor women for sex ok

The sexiest man alive?

The sexiest man alive?

Over on Random Xpat Rantings the terrible excuse for a human being who calls himself Xplat sets forth an intriguing proposition: for men in search of sexy times, having money is the equivalent of a woman having tits.

In other words, it’s not absolutely necessary for a man to have big bucks to garner the attention of the opposite sex, just as it’s not absolutely necessary for a woman to have something in the tit department in order to garner the attention of men, but it helps. A lot.

Oh, by the way, the title of the post in which he sets forth this theory is “ALL women are inherently gold diggers down to their pussy juice.”

Let’s let him explain, in his own icky way:

Women know their value. They know they can trade their value for their benefit. In [South-East Asia] this is not a dirty little secret. It’s not even an open secret. It’s just a fact of life. Money is part of the equation, blatantly and openly. …

Money-and-power-and-social-status is exactly equal to breasts. It can be a cause of sexual attraction in and of itself, and can maintain a relationship when there is nothing else being offered.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure when someone is literally interested in nothing about you except your money, you’re not actually in a “relationship” with that person.

Women aren’t men with vaginas. Their sexual attraction triggers are different. It’s not just that they fuck for food. Not JUST a matter of pragmatic sales of a service. Actual attraction is ALSO involved.

I like big bucks and I cannot lie?

Now, of course Xsplat here is challenging the common PUA gospel that men shouldn’t rely on money to win over their “targets” but rather on being cool and caddish and, you know, going to places where there’s a good chance a lot of the women will be pretty drunk.

Manospherians hampsterbate about this with a zillion “ya buts”. Ya, but you don’t NEED money. Yup, and girls don’t NEED tits.

Having tits is better and more attractive anyway, and girls with tits can get more and better quality men.

Having money is better in exactly the same way. You don’t see many flat chested Penthouse centerfolds, nor are there many broke romance novel heros.

Well, I don’t know much about romance novels, but from what I hear there’s a shitload of slash fiction about two dudes named Sam and Dean who basically live out of their car.

It’s not the case that SOME girls are gold diggers.

It’s just a matter of all the gold diggers mining for gold in different ways.

And of course all of this turns out to be a justification for Xplat’s own use of his relative wealth, as a western expat living in Southeast Asia, to exploit impoverished women for sex.

For me sex is about ecstatic intimacy. Money helps to get more intimacy with a greater percentage of girls, and higher quality girls. I choose to allow egoic esteem to include finances. Money is not cheating. Money helps to skin the cat. Money is not separate from my fantastic ethereal self. Money is part of what I am; part and parcel of what I am to a woman.

That’s got to be one of the creepiest and most delusional excuses for sexual exploitation I think I’ve ever run across in the three years of doing this blog.

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Posted on November 24, 2013, in creepy, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, PUA, sexual exploitation and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 607 Comments.

  1. Also, some kink events are booze free, but not all. An event held in a club where booze is available that let teens in…say bye bye to your liquor license.

  2. Alice — yeah, I was thinking that weird gap between legal where you are and 18 — legal here is 16, with Romeo and Juliet laws, MA is strict 18 (awkward as I’m 3 months older than my ex-fiancé and that difference was relevant)

    But 16 year old me was legal able to sex with the elderly, if so inclined, but an adult play space wouldn’t have been remotely safe and teen ones don’t seem to exist.

    So I’m thinking under 18 but legally old enough in the location in question (which would mean noptopus in MA, but a couple of years here) — idk that there’d be enough teens to bother though.

    Btw, your kitty favicon is up :)

  3. Shit, that was Serrana, not you, don’t mind me!

  4. Cassandra — yeah, exactly. Which is why I’m thinking that, say, the local GLBT center or whatever should maybe do a kink friendly teens night or such.

    Cuz I’m pushing 30 and still wouldn’t feel safe at a play party (well, ok, pecunium said he’d hosted some? Then maybe, but only because I know that one look would be enough for him to bounce someone, literally if needed)

  5. Part of the issue is that it seems like a lot of play parties aren’t really safe for anyone, except perhaps really assertive white male doms. But yeah, I have nothing against teens sexing each other, but the idea of exposing them to horny, potentially power-tripping adults in an environment where they feel out of place and the adults feel right at home gives me hives.

  6. Seconding CassandraSays.

  7. Oh my word, I really should stop looking at the trainwreck that is MM’s blog, but it’s too morbidly fascinating.

    Post on 11/21:
    “You cannot deny that building sexual assault prevention tools into every social network on the Internet, and doing it in a way that puts as much power as possible into the hands of rape survivors, FUCKING MATTERS. It changes things.”

    Post on 11/23:
    “The success of PAT-FB is not contingent on the development of a wide base of users who are willing to report predators. The success of PAT-FB is contingent on having these conversations, which, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, I’ve been having very loudly. I don’t expect to change the world by having people mindlessly accuse people of being predators. I expect to change the world by making everyone understand that we are all complicit in abusive systems, that we are all a predator to somebody, that no one is innocent of this, and that the only way to meaningfully address it is to actually face our own abusiveness.”

    Only two days apart! That is some olympic-level goalpost moving.

    And that second quote is some seriously creepy-ass “everyone’s abusive and nobody’s abusive and we’re all predators” water-muddying, of the type that many of you already identified in the “redefining consent” posts. Yeeeaaah. Definitely having an icky feeling about this.

  8. Let’s see, how many people have accused me of anything abusive?

    One, my narcissist gaslighting ex, while trying to pre-empt getting my best friend to take sides by saying I shoved him and thus started it. In a way, I did. See, he’s twice my size and was standing in a doorway refusing to let me out. After repeated attempts at “oh just move damnit” I went for “fine, I’m going under your arm then”…which he got cranky about necessitating a shove to get out of the room…which nearly got me locked out in my underwear and then he threatened my life.

    So, you know, I’m not inclined to think his claim was anything more than yet more attempted gaslighting.

    Oh, and my brother, went I was like 7 and pulled a rather mean prank…split his lip. He’d laugh his ass off if I said that makes me a predator to him though. And possibly then carry me around the room just to make a point!

    NoYouMayNot needs a predatory fish, he has no idea how different predators are from average. (Portion control puff, it’s called portion control! Just because it’ sphere doesn’t mean you must go after it! [yes that's a poor analogy to human predators and how they just can't resist…except puff is a fish, I don't expect morals from fish])

  9. I expect to change the world by making everyone understand that we are all complicit in abusive systems, that we are all a predator to somebody, that no one is innocent of this, and that the only way to meaningfully address it is to actually face our own abusiveness.

    Okay youse lot, just ‘cos I’ve got of Mass Killer Katie in my gravatar doesn’t make me a predator!

    Seriously, I can’t actually think of a time I’ve been a predator, or seen as one. Does giving Maddie a gratuitous cuddle count?

  10. True … OT, is it just me who read that and thought, “You’d know about projection, Siggy boy!”

  11. Just for context – that epic goalpost move was in response to people suggesting that, “tone argument” or not, perhaps MM should cut back on all that ordering people to kill themselves stuff in order to help the cause. Because if this was all for the glorious cause of abuse prevention, shouldn’t they do their best to avoid alienating people so that these useful tools got distributed as widely as possible?

    - hence the dizzying jump from “distributing these tools as widely as possible is sooo important that any means is justified” to “distributing these tools as widely as possible was never the point, the point was to get people talking, and alienating tons of people is great for that”.

    But the part it expands to “…specifically, we need to get people talking about how everyone is a predator” seems to be a total bonus, not just a tactic to sidestep criticism. A creepy, creepy, revealing, projection-tastic bonus.

  12. The kids thing isn’t theoretical with M*yM*y. They used to (maybe still do?) run a series of “unconferences” called KinkForAll that made a point of having no age limit. Apparently they were actually pretty good sometimes, as far as the discussions that went on, but the “no age limit” thing also meant that they got a lot of side-eye.

  13. Apparently they were actually pretty good sometimes, as far as the discussions that went on, but the “no age limit” thing also meant that they got a lot of side-eye.

    Yeah. That’s an area that seems much better suited to a website than a live conference. =/ While I don’t have any problem with teens learning safety and consent in a kink context, a live conference with hotel rooms to which underage participants may have travelled to seems like a ripe environment for abuse.

  14. My recollection of the kink for all things is thst they were more like workshop/lecture/ted talk q and a things that were open to anyone showing up. Not so much conferences and hotel rooms. (I may be misremembering that.)

  15. Hi, I just felt the need to comment on the Kink for Alls as I helped run 2 of them in DC. (This was before M. started acting on the Internet the way he does now.)

    Though M originated the KFA idea, both the events I helped with didn’t allow people under 18 into the venues (a conference hall and the local lgbt center, respectively.) Despite the name (which there was debate on changing) KFA was meant to be a discussion space, NOT a sex space, so we did NOT hold it in a bar, dungeon, or hotel, and turned down hosting offers in those places.

    At the time, even though many of the KFA volunteers thought that high school sex ed needed an overhaul, they also thought having under 18 people at the discussion a bit much and altered things accordingly. I don’t support M’s actions now, obviously, but yeah. We weren’t putting preteens in danger! : /

  16. I wandered around MM’s blog empire a bit and he is a seething bundle of contradictions.
    He’s bright, sympathetic and often makes good points and has done good things, but he’s also a prime example of how unhappy people can be narcissistic. In general, I’m wary of people who are emotionally grandiose, self-involved and tend towards “intense” relationships that end in flames.

    There is nothing wrong with being critical participant of BDSM scene, in fact it’s generally positive, but a lot of MM’s criticisms seem to stem from how he currently really hates going to play parties. MM find the traditional ones alienating, less a community and more a non-inclusive clique that fails to police sexual predators, so much so that it’s painful to attend. He tweets how a queer BDSM play party “shows “how 1) deeply I internalized feeling “not queer enough” 2) triggering seeing public sex is”.

    The solution seems to be stop attending these functions, but he’s see this as his “job”, so he keeps going, discussing how miserable it makes him and railing about how the whole current BDSM scene needs to be burnt to the ground. I’m sympathetic towards how activists can be in denial over their burnout, but even he seems to recognize that his current mindset is leaning towards nihilism, which suggests he should consider focusing on something else for a while.

  17. MollyRen – Oh, okay, that’s good to hear. I did know it wasn’t a sex event, but I saw so much controversy at the time about “wtf are you doing, high-schoolers will run into creepy predatory people there” vs. “adultism!!!” that I didn’t realize people were going ahead and enforcing age limits anyway.

  18. RE: Kittehs

    After all, Louis’s bi, so I’m not gonna argue!

    He didn’t know that, and he says that this is obvious proof that bi soulmates are awesome. (His word, not mine.)

    RE: asexual/sexual/demisexual stuff

    I took on ‘demisexual,’ just because… well, from what I’ve seen, it’s considered REALLY weird to be a gay man and NOT having sex like a rabbit. I got really tired of having people boggle and assuming I was religious, or had some really weird hangups. (An atheist man who DOESN’T MASTURBATE? He must be a liar or need a doctor!) I couldn’t say I was ace without erasing hubby, who was just coming into his own bisexuality. So demi was the best thing I had. (And I wasn’t saying I was himsexual, just because it felt to much like the old, “I’m not like THOSE faggots, I just like sucking guys’ cocks every once in a while! But I’m still totally a he-man!”)

    There was also a fair amount of pressure on me to have sex… but that was because we seemed fucking surrounded by creepers from the ages of 16 – 18. They WANTED us to believe we were broken and could only be fixed by their super-special cock, because they saw it as the most expeditious (and altruistic!) way to stick their cocks in us. It wasn’t that they were creepy; they were FIXING us!

    So yeah, I’ve had some of those horrible experiences some aces talk about. But I think it’s because it combined with a bunch of other shit, and we had the bad luck to run into a conga line of rapey creepers at an early age.

  19. Oh hell, got modded.

    RE: Kittehs

    After all, Louis’s bi, so I’m not gonna argue!

    He didn’t know that, and he says that this is obvious proof that bi soulmates are awesome. (His word, not mine.)

    RE: asexual/sexual/demisexual stuff

    I took on ‘demisexual,’ just because… well, from what I’ve seen, it’s considered REALLY weird to be a gay man and NOT having sex like a rabbit. I got really tired of having people boggle and assuming I was religious, or had some really weird hangups. (An atheist man who DOESN’T MASTURBATE? He must be a liar or need a doctor!) I couldn’t say I was ace without erasing hubby, who was just coming into his own bisexuality. So demi was the best thing I had. (And I wasn’t saying I was himsexual, just because it felt to much like the old, “I’m not like THOSE queers, I just like sucking guys’ cocks every once in a while! But I’m still totally a he-man!”)

    There was also a fair amount of pressure on me to have sex… but that was because we seemed fucking surrounded by creepers from the ages of 16 – 18. They WANTED us to believe we were broken and could only be fixed by their super-special cock, because they saw it as the most expeditious (and altruistic!) way to stick their cocks in us. It wasn’t that they were creepy; they were SAVING us!

    So yeah, I’ve had some of those horrible experiences some aces talk about. But I think it’s because it combined with a bunch of other shit, and we had the bad luck to run into a conga line of rapey creepers at an early age.

  20. @Pervocracy The whole thing was very native in hindsight. I remember M being equally adamant about the fact that it should be completely discussion-based, it COULD NOT be held in a bar or dungeon, AND that younger people should be able to attend. He didn’t seem to see any contradiction in it, and there was a lot of internal push-back against his last point.

    Also, at the time (2009ish) I was inexperienced enough that, at the outset, an event that would help teens from having the same kind of horrible high school sex ed experience that I did seemed like a great idea. I thought we were gonna be the next Scarleteen! It was only when someone sat me down and explained that abuse and pedophilia were real issues, even at an event where we’d be talking about consent, that I was like “Oh.” I still think most sex ed sucks, but I no longer think we were the people to address that.

  21. Gah. *KEEP teens from having!

  22. MollyRen – In a perfect theoretical world, I love the idea of educating young people about kink. The problem with having a live event, though, is that young people are going to be perceived as saying “I’m kinky and vulnerable” (whether this is true or not) just because they showed up. It’s not an issue of them hearing naughty words in the presentations, but of the other participants they’ll be exposed to by coming there.

    …I know you already understand this, I’m just pontificating.

  23. RE: MollyRen

    Yeeaaah. “Sexual education” indeed. Good idea, but man, that just sounds like a disaster and lawsuits WAITING to happen.

  24. @LBT Yeah, that was the OTHER big reason people went in and imposed rules anyway. No one wanted to get sued!

  25. He didn’t know that, and he says that this is obvious proof that bi soulmates are awesome. (His word, not mine.)

    You just know our husbands are gonna do some mutual back-slapping if we meet up next year. ;)

  26. @ MollyRen

    Since you worked with this person back then…any idea what happened? I’m just curious where the whole YOU ARE ALL BASTARD PEOPLE AND I WILL DESTROY YOU, OTHER PROMINENT KINKSTERS thing is coming from.

  27. @CassandraSays I’ve been wondering that for years and am still clueless.

  28. Honestly, CassandraSays, it doesn’t seem that surprising to me. They seem to be living a very rough lifestyle, very high-stress. I mean, I’m living kinda similarly out of necessity, and even with healthcare, my mental health is crap. I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress alone gets someone kinda bitey, especially if you add stuff like victimization and a noble cause.

    This isn’t an excuse. I feel sorry for them, even as I find them pretty reprehensible; there’s a lot of, “There but for the grace of god go I” feelings in it.

  29. I guess it just seems like they have a grudge against a lot of the prominent people in the scene, which could just be “why didn’t they let me be boss?”, or could be that some of those people did something genuinely nasty to hir.

  30. … I just realized I’ve been using the wrong pronoun for M. all this time. Crap. ><

    @LBT I was under the impression that the "technomad" lifestyle was something they planned, rather than was forced to by economic necessity. They have a whole "cyberbusking" website devoted to it, and an itinerary.

  31. I read that as “techno mad” rather than “tech nomad”. :P

  32. I was picturing the bug-eyed guy from The Prodigy dancing.

    (Shows age)

  33. Really, all he truly wants is to go to a rave party with glowsticks, Kittehs.

    RE: MollyRen

    Enh, just because you choose a lifestyle doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy. Like, it’s possible I’m just projecting, but I doubt I could manage that lifestyle, and he’s been doing it way longer than I have!

  34. Shit, that was Serrana, not you, don’t mind me!

    I saw that!

    I read that as “techno mad” rather than “tech nomad”.

    Yep!

  35. Really, all he truly wants is to go to a rave party with glowsticks, Kittehs.

    After seeing that pic of the face Mac pulled, suddenly I’m thinking of him partying on and waving glowsticks around. :D

  36. Heh. Mac loves to dance, but he’s never espoused much love for techno!

  37. I dont like techno at all, but if it was like this I could be tempted.

  38. So, I was telling a friend about the ten-way trainwreck that is Me Me, and she remembered him from ancient days of Internet yore (2005, to be precise), with this entry. I thought it was…telling. Any more recent former colleagues spelunk the archives and find stuff like this? “Cleansing fire behind my eyes.”

    http://maymay.net/blog/2005/03/02/cleansing-fire-behind-my-eyes/#comments

  39. I’m just curious where the whole YOU ARE ALL BASTARD PEOPLE AND I WILL DESTROY YOU, OTHER PROMINENT KINKSTERS thing is coming from.

    I only met him the one time, but based on following his online and reported offline hijinks on and off over the past few years, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he’s basically saying he’s not going to be IGNORED, Dan.

  40. For a start, he also appears to be angry at all of Burning Man, “social justice activists,” “the sex positive community,” not to mention capitalism (of course), and, on occasion, the entire world which can go burn, not necessarily in that order.

  41. “They,” excuse me.

  42. @ belle

    Yeah, it feels like his issue with the BSDM community is personal, which is why I keep wondering what exactly happened. He seems toxic enough to provoke conflict in just about any social circle.

  43. I deal with my dislike of Burning Man by not attending. Maybe he should try that.

  44. Well, more recently we learn one of the ways in which capitalism has affronted them: by asking for a “commitment,” and offering to pay by the hour instead of just trading them a car (which the employer would have to buy, with money, but never mind). Something.

    http://maymay DOT net/blog/2013/06/14/i-quit-because-capitalism/

  45. Welp, judging by the sidebar on his blog, I’d say mental issues out the wazoo are a definite factor. So too is a rather massive ego. Not a good combo…

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