Riding the Alpha Female Hen Carousel

I think most of those are hens, anyway. I'm not an expert at sexing chickens.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon, Time.com, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on August 19, 2011, in alpha males, pics. Bookmark the permalink. 31 Comments.

  1. Ehhh at least one is a rooster. /farmgirl.

  2. Even still, this is clearly not an alpha carousel! The chickens are the one riding him, and he’s clearly a beta mancloaca* for letting them walk all over him. I’m sure they’d be spitting if only they had lips!

    *And just like that, my search history now includes the phrase “female chicken genitals”

  3. *are the ones. Damn you, WordPress!

  4. Actually, now that I think about it, mancloaca doesn’t work as a ‘hurr durr yer a girl’ insult since ‘cloaca’ is a neutral term for all chicken’s naughty-bits. /joke fail

  5. Ehhh at least one is a rooster.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

    (Well, aside from the whole sex with chickens part.)

  6. Seconding filetofswordfish: the three in front definitely hens (the one between his legs hard to tell because comb cannot be seen clearly but probably a hen); the one in the back with the larger comb (red growth on top of head) and larger wattles is the rooster. Who also seems to have a larger…..beak.

    *former farmgirl too*

  7. There’s at least one gallic cock in that photo (says the guy who used to tend a flock of forty-odd hens/five cocks).

    I can’t say as I want to ever “sex a chicken”, but hey, YKIOK.

  8. Ithiliana: I guess we just know a cock when we see one.

  9. The MRM expression is:

    “Riding the Alpha dick carousel.”

    Consequently, the female equivalet expression would be:

    “Riding the Alpha pussy carousel.”

    They should have been cats, David. I am disappointed in you:)

  10. The proper terminology is “alpha cock carousel.” Thanks anyway, Zarat.

  11. Hey, I never said they were ALL hens!

    Anthony, generally it’s referred to as a “cock carousel” — that’s why the woman in the banner at the top of roughly half the pages here is riding a rooster.

    Also, I am well aware of the joke potential of the word “pussy.”

  12. The proper terminology is “alpha cock carousel.”

    I stand corrected.

    har har har

  13. Provided the fellow lying on the ground has not been too closely associated with Loreena Bobbit – I think it’s safe to say there are two cocks in that picture, albeit one is buried under a hen and some articles of clothing.

  14. Dang, how do you guys even *tell*? *squints*

    I thought only roosters had combs, but I’m a city girl, so I stand corrected.😛

  15. The boss rooster has a bigger comb than the other roosters, and the boss hen has a bigger comb than the other hens. If the boss hen or rooster dies, whichever chook takes over grows a bigger comb.

  16. Well *that’s* awesome! I didn’t even know there were boss hens!😀

  17. She’s at the top of the pecking order! she even bosses the rooster a bit – like Chanticleer’s Pardelote😉

  18. It all looks like dinner to me.

  19. AND there are at least a dozen different shapes of combs depending on breed and variety. Most are familiar with the classic single comb, but there is also; pea, rose, cushion, walnut,V, buttercup.A hen’s single comb is bigger than a cock’s pea comb.

  20. Do you breed and show chooks, ohiken?

  21. Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel

    Um, the proper terminology is “Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel”.

    I should know.

  22. Yes. But where are the chicks?

  23. Funny, I just visited someone with chickens today. Was thinking about getting some at one time, but zoning laws for our subdivision wouldn’t allow it.
    Anyway, I got to see the new chicks they just got this week. So adorable!

  24. Yes, yes I do! I currently have a flock of araucanas, but I’m thinking of switching to sussex or wyandottes next year. I’m a registered cock expert, if there is one.

  25. “I’m a registered cock expert, if there is one.”

    That’s what HE said.


  26. I’ve only got a vew backyard chooks, but I love going to chook shows and seeing the sheer variety of fowls. I’d love to have one of those game* cocks with huge long legs, that look like a dinosaur.

    *PUA cock? :)

  27. *PUA cock?

    All the Chick(en)s are into him ’cause he’s tall. Look at those long legs. Damn Alpha FUCKS!

  28. Malays and shamos are particularly unpleasant looking, orloffs too. I’vve got a little banty redcap that is the most hilarious bird, has a sea anenome on his head.
    On the topic of boss hens, they come in 2 types; mellow and bully. I had one that would peck every other bird until she screamed everyday just to make the point. Most others will only peck when someone oversteps their place. I likened that to the different styles of kyriarchies in other countries.

  29. Yeah, the chicks all spit on the poor little bantams:)

    Half the eggs hatch into males. MRAs want to be cock of the walk, but they forget what happens to all the other males …

  30. True fun fact; my daughter went to school with this kid! Lurking on man boobz is awesome!

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