Arky-May Ark-May, we hardly knew ye! Also: Stinky vaginas.

Christopher in Oregon learned everything he knows about female anatomy from old Lysol ads.

One of my favorite manosphere blogs is no more. Its proprietor, worried that he might get “outed” in real life, decided to shut it down and delete everything. In deference to his desire for privacy, I will refer to him here only as Arky-May Ark-May. He will be missed.

Luckily, before the shutdown, I managed to grab one last post, a little gem titled “The Vagina, by Christopher in Oregon.” Chris, a longtime friend of Arky-May, is something of an expert on this particular subject, in his own special way. As a man who is very definitely Going His Own Way, it seems clear that he’s had little or no experience or contact with actual vaginas. But he seems to think about them more than perhaps anyone on earth. His thoughts are not kind thoughts.

So let’s pour one out for Arky-May’s lost blog, and enjoy Christopher of Oregon’s ruminations:

Men spend most of their lives trying to get back into the hole they shot out of, so they need to stop for a moment and analyze it. The vagina, I mean.

Here we go.

At first glance, it’s mighty ugly. Floppy lips dangling down like bat wings. The entire region pelted with ugly pubic hair. It’s greasy, and the more aroused and broody she becomes, the greasier it gets.

The greasier? The greasier? You’ve never actually touched one, have you? Reading Christopher of Oregon on the vagina is a bit like listening to a high school student who hasn’t done the reading try to bluff his way through a teacher’s question on Macbeth.

Have I mentioned the smell yet? Let me tell you, it’s horrifying. I have an up-scale Sushi restaurant near my home. I love Sushi, by the way. But, on the edge of the parking lot of the afore-mentioned restaurant, they dump the scraps and unsold fish into a dumpster. I walked by there the other day when it was about 85 degrees, and the smell just about knocked me over. The first thought that occurred to me was that it smelled just like every vagina I’ve ever known.

Chris, clearly the only vaginas you’ve ever known have been fish vaginas. (Do fish have vaginas? They must, right?)

Now, a skunk smells bad. A dead possum smells bad. So does a cat box. But a vagina? That goes beyond bad. And, no, it’s not “musky” or “tart” as some women like to say.

It’s bad. Really bad. I don’t think we have single word in the English language that adequately describes the foul, rancid odor of a woman’s vagina.

Also, they are full of cooties! And centipedes! And mousetraps! And LIBRARY FINES!

There is something patently WRONG with something that produces such a noxious stench that it could, as the old saying goes, knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon at fifty paces.

I’m pretty sure that even the foulest vagina in the history of the world wouldn’t be able to knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon at any distance further than a couple of yards. Buzzards love shit-wagons!

I just ask you fellows to put that hairy hole in proper perspective.

Huh. I thought Harry Hole was a fictional Norwegian detective.

Ah, well. I’m off to lunch with a greatly reduced appetite.

Say hi to Arky-May for us.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon,, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on December 27, 2011, in creepy, disgusting women, idiocy, men who should not ever be with women ever, MGTOW, misogyny, vaginas. Bookmark the permalink. 173 Comments.

  1. I really hope he republishes the Maria posts — the ones about his coworker who he talked to a couple times, who rejected him, who he then started obsessing over and decided that she was a lesbian because she wears hats.

    Vait! Hy tought dat made her a Jager Monster! Hy guess hy moost keep de coorent voman Hy have den.

    @Quackers, strangely, that’s the same look I receive when I rip my shirt off and demand to be greased up.

  2. holy fuck, dkm, can you say anything in less than a million super boring words

  3. His means of broaching this admittedly delicate subject may be disagreeable, but one can at least admit to his good intentions, both to any floozies who gave him sex, or, for that matter, to any men who, like him, have had the misfortune to encounter too many of your modern women

    Thanks DKM I needed a good laugh this morning

  4. Sweet jesus. How would DKM know the first thing about vaginas?

    Apparently this man has never been on public transportation. It ain’t pussy stinking the place the place up, that’s for sure! Mostly it’s not even women because piss is the predominant odor and we all know who it is that likes to write their names in pee. There are also subtle hints of bum, armpit, vomit and beer. Never once smelled pussy.

  5. Hmm. Not impossible, but not a very good strategy if true. Any woman who is very proud of her vagina probably wouldn’t fall for it.

    Oh, it is a horrible strategy. But it would probably explain why he has never seen a non-smelly and non-greasy (i.e. normal) vagina.

  6. Oh Meller. Chris in Oregon thinks he can smell a pussy from fifty feet. The mere knowledge of a woman in his vicinity is enough to ruin going to restaurants and he laments that he can’t light a cigar to mask their fouls stench any old place he pleases.

    So he isn’t trying to have women make themselves more attractive to anyone. He’s like you, he’d be happier in a world with no women; though he does go further than you do… he wouldn’t even keep them as slaves.

  7. Repeat after me DKM: douches are unhealthy. Vulvas are not supposed to smell like flowers. Douches can cause yeast infections.

  8. DKM, using “products” in the vaginal area is more likely to cause problems than to solve them. Douches and “feminine sprays” are not necessary to be “clean and sweet”, okay? I’ve been lucky enough not to have issues, but perhaps that’s because I’m not spraying chemicals and perfumes on my vulva or up my vagina. Some women do have problems with things like yeast infections, but I hear tell those are quite uncomfortable, so I’m not sure why a woman would be such a masochist as to refuse to attend to the issue. Do you assume these hypothetical stinky women hate men so much that they will suffer with painful health problems only to foul the air and upset sensitive male tummies? Does that make any sense?

    I have a fairly discerning nose, and I’ve never once noticed the intimate odor of another woman. Yes, some people do not smell good, but I’ve never narrowed the stench down to pussy. Usually, the offensive odors on my register are cheap perfumes, heavy perspiration, stale cigarettes, bad breath, cigars, hippie-store patchouli oils, or some form of bad hygiene. With the sole exception of perfume, men tend to offend more than women. Which gender, in general, spends more time and money on grooming anyway? I know I’m far on one end of the spectrum, but I easily spend over $1000 year on soaps, lotions, cosmetics, hairstyling, and (good) perfume. My husband probably spends $100. It takes me nearly an hour to shower, style my hair, put on makeup, pick out flattering clothes, and so on. It takes my husband ten minutes to go through his ritual. And, you know, even my female friends who are indifferent to looking attractive are clean. They don’t smell bad. They don’t cultivate untreated medical conditions of the vagina just so they can offend others.

  9. 100 bucks? That’s not much. Just razors (and I have a light beard) cost me more than that. Shampoo (I like a LUSH product) isn’t much, about 40 bucks a year, and conditioner another 40. I lose combs, so that’s probably another 20, and about 20 for hair ties.

    Call it about 200 bucks.

    Not counting laundry soap.

  10. If this site is accurate, a lot of women do douche:

    I never have, and have never had a yeast infection, or any other type of vaginal infection, so, yeah, there seems to be NO GOOD REASON for the practice.

    And only a douchebag would demand it of the women he knows (I really want to ask Mr. Fainting FLower up there is his MOTHER smells so bad…..but that might be mean).

  11. Chris does realize that men have pubic hair too, right?

  12. Well, he’s a cheapskate who refuses to use conditioner, gets his hair cut sporadically, and who always looks for the lowest price on shampoo, etc. Also, those numbers are completely made up. I’m sure I spend over $1000 though. I’m nearly there with haircuts alone.

  13. I know that I’m a mixed bag. I use the same LUSH bar for head and skin (and have used shampoo as body wash for decades), but I have a lot of hair and it’s baby fine. Oops, I forgot the 60 bucks a year for shaving lotion, probably 300.

  14. Yeah, Pecunium, probably different guys spend different amounts of money on health and beauty care, same as women. My boyfriend uses an electric trimmer to shave his beard (he’s had the trimmer since he met me), gets his hair cut about 4-6 times a year (at less than $25 a pop, if I had to guess), bought a bottle of soap three years ago, a stick of deodorant in 2010, and a bottle of shampoo this year. I think I bought him a bottle of facial moisturizer four years ago. He does buy vitamin E and tea tree oil himself occasionally, however.

    Anyway, yeah. I tend to date guys with pretty minimal maintenance budgets (being kind of a low-maintenance lady myownself — although, not that low, yeesh), but NAMALT, you know? (I also know guys who use scented body wash and hair product and pay for $55 shaves.) Like malcontent, I have yet to meet a woman whose lady-scent you can smell from 50 feet away.

  15. Getting a shave is nice. I’ve not cut my hair since I left the Army, but when I was in, I got a haircut every three weeks.

  16. DKM: You really, really need to stop telling women how to take care of our bodies. Because you clearly know JACK SHIT about female anatomy beyond ‘my cock goes somewhere between her legs.’ Seriously, STFU and go wank with your dolls. Or whatever the hell you do with them – I’m picturing Cartman’s tea time thing from South Park here.

  17. @ KathleenB

    I picture

  18. Shadow: Holy crap, that’s… disturbing. And fitting.

  19. @ KathleenB

    I think my affection for trolls like DKM and NWO come from the fact that I keep funneling their views through to the wacky shit we know and love from TV. For example, everytime I read NWO’s quota rants, I always picture that scene in Community where Jeff wakes Pierce up by saying “Discrimination lawsuit” and it just makes me burst out laughing

  20. It took me entirely too long to realize that the pseudonym David used is Pig-Latin. I guess I was too distracted by the part about vaginas.

  21. @cynikal- winning!

  22. Well, to be fair, dolls have no odor of any kind, and that’s Meller’s most recent basis for comparison. He is confused and disturbed by the fact that modern women do not smell like eau de porcelain, and assumes that other men must be similiarly disturbed.

    (Just for the record, I’m not sure any other women are disturbed in the exact same way as Meller. Truly he is a unique and fascinating speciment, misogynist steampunkis, subphylum conservitivus.)

  23. Men, not women. If there exists a female equivalent to Meller I have yet to encounter her.

  24. I heard the fish smell is a sign of an infection, which a healthy vagina won’t have. His words make me wonder how common those infections are. Or maybe he’s just repeating what he’s heard about vaginas. Men who find vaginas ugly amaze me, but so do women who are repulsed by cocks😦

  25. Generally, when one has an infection, neither PIV nor oral sex (on the receiving end) are attractive activity. Or so has been my experience. So I doubt a little bit that there is such a problem of stinking ladies trying to jump on people (men or women)
    Unless the smell he hates so much is the normal smell of a woman’s vulva, in which case the problem is with him and I hope he’s not straight. Or he’s lying.

  26. Men, not women. If there exists a female equivalent to Meller I have yet to encounter her.
    I’m pretty sure there are women who have creepy obssessions with dolls (male ones, though), actually.

  27. Pterygotus: I know there are women who are obsessed with male dolls — BUT I’ve never seen any evidence of them wanting to enslave men, and just using the dolls as a placebo until they can get their male slaveboi. That’s what take’s DKM to new heights of creepiness.

  28. David K. Meller

    CassandraSays–December 28, 2011 @11:28pm

    One more case where you are absolutely wrong! Dolls, unlike feminists, and unlike even regular women, have whatever scent their man chooses them to have. I go to my nearest perfumery, buy a gift for my little lady lovely, apply discreetly, and…

    she has the scent that I want her to have! That was easy, wasn’t it?

  29. DKM and his doll thing just keeps getting creepier and creepier.

  30. So basically, Meller, what you’re telling us is that the dolls are a way for you to make the imaginary women in your head seem more real? Becaues it certainly seems like you’re admitting, in a roundabout sort of way, that what you want doesn’t actually exist, therefore the only option is to invent it.

    …Most people grow out of the imaginary friend stage by puberty,

  31. “That was easy, wasn’t it?”
    Yes, it was. Because she is not a person, she has no emotion, no intentions, no desire. Relationship, on the other hand, are not easy. Never have been, never will, including in whenever-is-your-prefered-date. (what is it, 50’s?)
    If you want easy, stick with the doll but stop blaming us for being humans with individual thoughts.

  32. Actually, I asked a few men about it, and they said that some women they had sex with had the fishy smell and some didn’t. Those who did, didn’t seem to be aware of it, some thought it was normal and didn’t care. I think it’s bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection…

  33. PLEASE somebody tell me that there isn’t some disease that makes one’s vagina GREASY… otherwise I might not be able to sleep tonight…

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