Ladies are the Borg

Ladies are complicated! Happily, we fellas have Gobhoblin on the Men’s Rights subreddit to explain them to us. Turns out they are all one giant HIVE BORG MIND. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTRELLE!


EDITED TO ADD: Thanks to Ami Angelwings for pointing this quote out to me.  I mean, thanks to all women.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon,, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on February 13, 2012, in crackpottery, evil women, I'm totally being sarcastic, misogyny, MRA, oppressed men, reddit, the enigma that is ladies. Bookmark the permalink. 178 Comments.

  1. Oh man. Guys, now you have me imagining a dystopian world were all of Meller’s cyber cuties develop a hive mind and rise up, aggressivly re-decorating the world to be fluffy, lacy, and pink.


  2. Nah, I am actually a toadstool Ersatzmoons


    Don’t be silly. All women agree that my dog, who is a mutt, is the best dog ever.

    All women concede that pugs are super-adorable too, though.

  4. My hive-cat kept trying to steal the paperwork as I was doing the hive-taxes! Yes, the borg handles the $MONEY$ in this house! All the monies are the hive’s!

  5. Why is it that DKM makes a habit of stating his inability to from an opinion on a subject immediately before stating his opinion on the same subject? It’s like he’s trying to have his cake and simultaneously tell everyone he doesn’t have cake…

  6. All women are loving this hivegasm and think that next Brandon appears with his “most men” all women should bombard him with statements about all women.

  7. Next TIME.

    Though since all women share a hivemind, all women need not worry about syntax, grammar, or clarity since we all know what we are thinking.

    Hmmmmm, do we suppose that explains the terrible writing style of the MRAhiveminds?

  8. Kirby – Plus, the subject in question is “hmm, do all women everywhere think exactly the same things?”

    I feel like most small children and certain housepets can form a confident answer to that question.

  9. It’s just another attempt by Meller to play the “My superior man-brain can’t understand your silly little lady-brains.” game.

    He consistently fails to realize this has no effect but to show him for the pompous dimwit he is.

  10. We are the anti-fluffy borg!

  11. All hivecats (hivekittens, actually) like to drink my cold chamomile tea. WTF, hivecats? I was saving that!

  12. All women wanted to pop in and say the best thing to do with beets is roast them, peel them, slice them up, brush them with olive oil, put swiss cheese on top (the good kind, not the dreadful processed stuff) and stick them under the broiler for about four minutes, or until the cheese starts to turn brown. All women think beets are pretty tasty this way.

    Oh, and all women wanted pizza for dinner but are having fake chicken nuggets because the pizza takes too long.

  13. Next TIME.
    I actually preferred the sentence pre-correction: “The next Brandon appears” suggests each successive Brandon post is written by a newly minted Brandon-clone. It probably works like in The Prestige.

    That would be much more interesting than anything Bran has ever written here😀

  14. Suddenly, a wild Brandon appears! Brandon uses “back down from original extreme claims to much more modest ones, and pretend that’s what he was arguing all along.” It’s not very effective.

  15. Wow! You could totally make that into a pokemon cartoon! How does a wild brandon get caught? And what kind of trainer would want a brandon?

    Oh Lord! I think I’m just going to let that line of thought drop now…

  16. All women are eagerly anticipating the bitter and lulzy screeds of MRAs and MGTOWs in response to Valentine’s…err… Vagina day tomorrow…

  17. Every woman in the world was watching old “Frasier”s on Netflix this morning while scanning artwork, and there was a bit where Roz and the station manager guy were griping about the opposite sex. They started out trading typical battle-of-the-sexes complaints, but they kept going back and forth until it devolved into the two of them making faces and hollering, “WELL, MEN ARE LIKE THIS! DOY DOY DOY!” “YEAH, WELL, THIS IS WOMEN! YEEE YEEE YEEEE!”

    This is what every MRA post now looks like to all the women in the world.

  18. Every woman in the world was instantly reminded by that Frasier episode of the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where Calvin and Hobbes get into a similar argument about one another, then complain when they are called indoors that they were having fun.

    All women now consider “Calvin and Hobbes” to be full of wit and wisdom. Also tigers.

  19. All women can speak for themselves. All women are having beef short ribs with teriyaki glaze and sauteed mushrooms, and a side of steamed Brussels sprouts.

    Are all women jealous?

    In all seriousness…MRAs really don’t think women are fully human, do they?

  20. In all seriousness…MRAs really don’t think women are fully human, do they?

    It is the simplest answer to explain the largest set of data points. So, pending further evidence, I’m going to say yes.

    Now, all women are about to get published, sit back, and watch the tenure and the government grants roll in.

  21. I love this thread. Excuse me – all women do.

    All women also love CSI and soft pretzels.

    And while all women are fond of pugs, all women do recognize that the Basset Hound/Beagle cross is the best of all possible dogs in the best of all possible worlds.

    And all women are sort of wishing they had cable so they could watch the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show this weekend, assuming all women are not giving birth this weekend as all women are now one day past their due dates.

  22. Kristin: All women were sad on Friday that they missed dogs being walked on Friday because they had to be in early and the puppies were going to the show after they went to work.

  23. Yay Kristin! I wish you the easiest birth.

  24. Thanks, Elizabeth!

    If all women may be frank, all women really wish the baby would just frakking come already as all women are really uncomfortable and kind of bored.

  25. Now, all women are about to get published, sit back, and watch the tenure and the government grants roll in.

    MRAs told it first! All women are living on government money!

    And good luck Kristin, from all women. May you bring home a cute little addition to the hive-mind or a little alpha-to-be.

  26. All women completely understand the feeling as all women went to over 42 weeks recently. All women know due dates are just a guess though and know it goes faster if you make plans for nice things to do for the next few days (massages are really good,all women hear and acupressure can encourage babies to come out)

  27. PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

    I always suggest going up in a hot air balloon to get the baby out.

  28. @PfkaE

    I always suggest going up in a hot air balloon to get the baby out.

    If someone takes you up on this advice can you convince them to broadcast the birth?

  29. All women love the oatmeal wheatgerm chocolate chip cookies from Specialties bakeries in California.

    (Actually that one appears to be true.)

    All women made green curry for dinner, and now their hands burn from cutting up the chillies. All women are however much too stubborn to wear gloves while doing so.

    Alll women hate sag paneer because it makes spinach all overcooked and soggy! All women love Indian food in general, but prefer spinach to be as close to raw as possible.

  30. judging from the way the comments are going, clearly women build consensus like the geth.

  31. all women have been drinking sparkling wine all evening whilst enjoying the thread and we hope the posters are all enjoying the little sparkling buzz it has provided all of us (ozymandias, sorry).

    @kristin, all women send you big luck hugs and want you to know the boredom is really all about to change FOREVER xxxx

  32. All women are too poor for sparkling wine, suffering from period pain, and hating Valentine’s Day. All women are also vegetarian and prefer very large fluffy dogs such as Newfoundlands and Great Pyrenean Mountain dogs.

  33. @sorka, all women feel your pain and offer you sparkling wine in return x

  34. p.s sparkling wine is not a valentines thing, it’s a personal….AND NOT HIVE MIND AAARGH NO I’M MELTING………………

  35. BigMomma: All women do not compute… All women detect individual personality… Also tipsy off sparkling wine so early in the day… all women “hic” collectively… preparing for meltdown…

  36. I should tell you that all women drank a bit too much yesterday and therefore woke up a headache on the morning. But rest assured, gentlemen, that no women danced on a pole (our commun reputation is safe! ^_^’)

  37. Kyrie, all women have a bottle of sparkling wine in the fridge for after all women’s babies are born, as all women have been teetotall through their pregnancies and are starting to LOSE IT.

    And all women will ask their midwives about the hot air balloon idea😄

  38. If someone takes you up on this advice can you convince them to broadcast the birth?

    The idea is that you go up for a bit and then come back down. After that, apparently the baby goes “okay okay, I will go and be born damn it.”

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