I will be heading out to a cat shelter in about an hour. I hope to return with a kitty or two. Probably not as large as Mr. Martin’s kitty above.

UPDATE:  Success! Two tiny adorable kittens are careening around my bedroom at high velocities. It is now 4:32 AM. They have been doing this off and on since I brought them home roughly ten hours ago. I have no idea where the fuck they get all their energy. From cat food? I think I might have to start eating it myself.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon,, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on July 27, 2012, in cuteness, kitties, off topic, open thread. Bookmark the permalink. 114 Comments.

  1. Good luck! Kitties are the bestest. 😀

  2. Cats 1 and 2 are nearly that big! Cat 1 is closer because he’s a pudgy fella, but they’re both incredibly long and have huge heads.

    My man’s going away for a week, so I’m kinda bummed, but I’m comforting myself with the knowledge that I get to kitty-sit while he’s gone. All the snuggles shall be mine! Muahahahahaha!

    I hope you find your kitty match(es), David, and that they are snugly bundles of tiny meows.

  3. We want pictures!

  4. howardbann1ster

    I’m confused. If David is a kitten… going to bring home a kitten… will we get twice as many posts?

    In all seriousness, cats are awesome. I have two at home.

  5. Snuggly, rather. Snugly seems like the name they would give a line of stuffed toys shaped like aliens in the 90s.

  6. Congrats to you and your new friends. Shelter pets are the best!

  7. Aw, good luck David! I love kitties. I wish I was in a position to have one of my own.

    Also Steve Martin’s friend up there looks like a tabby version of my housemate’s cat. He’s a black and white tuxedo kitty, who is huge and fluffy.🙂

  8. Whosoever they may be – they be lucky kitty

  9. YAY!! I second the notion — we demand pictures!!

  10. Pics or it didn’t happen.

  11. Nthing the demand for pictures!

  12. Well I hope you have fun WITH YOUR CATS!


    …No, really, I do.

  13. Thanks everyone! I will be leaving momentarily to seek kitties.

  14. Yay for kitties! Kitties are A W E S O M E.

  15. ShadetheDruid

    You definitely need more than one! Can’t have a proper CATSPLOSION with only one cat.😛

  16. Yay! Kitties!!! I also want to see pictures

  17. Good luck! I hope you find the perfect kitties for your family.

    I’ve been trying to talk my boyfriend into a kitty. I argue that kitties are cute and my dog loves cats and wouldn’t it be nice if she had more company. He makes some silly argument about allergies.

  18. Can’t tell for sure, but I’m pretty sure my Niko is that big, just not quite as rounded. Just about everyone who’s seen him IRL says he’s the biggest cat they’ve ever seen.
    Pictures for those of you that didn’t see them the last time I showed him off.
    Niko #1
    Niko #2
    One of these days I’ll get a good pic of him on something other than my laptop camera.

  19. Oh, and I also want to see pics of David’s new kitty/kitties/cat/cats. That goes without saying.

  20. My neighbor’s cat is a pretty big boy himself. He eats the food I put out for a stray cat.

  21. the twisted spinster

    Awesome! Cats are the best.

  22. KITTIES!

    Just to see whether everyone here has been paying attention, it’s time for a KITTY POP QUIZ!

    Scenario: Uh-oh! You were petting your new kitty, and it whipped around and scratched you! What is the correct way to handle this situation?

    a) Stop petting it, as it is clearly not in the mood. Wait until it feels like being petted before trying again.
    b) Check the kitty for injuries or other conditions, in case your petting caused it pain somehow.
    c) Teaching moment! Bop the kitty’s nose (gently) and say “NO!” Repeat each time it scratches you until it learns who’s the dominant mammal around here.
    d) Scritch the kitty’s tummy, since apparently it wants to play rough! Be sure to back off if it starts acting scared or distressed, or if the chomping gets too intense for your own comfort.
    e) Euthanize it and go back to playing with your little lady lovelies.

  23. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that C and E are bad choices.

  24. Generally A though sometimes B if kittty is also showing other signs of distress. C gets you scratched again, D might be what the cat wants but you get bitten and scratched, if you answer E you should only have pet rocks.

  25. Besides Noadi’s answer, there is also (f)–if the kitty seems to be in a mood for play, go get a toy that is not your hands (like a cat wand) and play with the kitty that way.

  26. Hi Kalalora

    Whatever the kitty does is ok.

  27. thebewilderness

    Okay! Hey, does anybody know where I can get some cat handcuffs? I’ve gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs. Either two little ones like this, to go around the little paws.. or a big one that hooks onto my arm and then hooks onto the cat. I found out my cat was embezzling from me, so I’ve gotta get a little pair.. of cat handcuffs, so.. Well, I found out that when I’m away, he goes to the mailbox, picks up the checks, take them down to the bank and cashes them. The way I caught him, I went out to his little house, where he sleeps at night, and there was like $3,000 worth of cat toys out there. And you can’t return them, because they have spit all over them.. I don’t know where he is now, I guess he went out to Catalina, or something like that, I don’t know.. [ audience groans slightly ] No. He bought a catamaran, and went out.. [ audience groans again ] No, he got it out of a catalog.. [ groans ] This is a catastrophe! Hey, just remember – comedy is not pretty!

    Martin on SNL in 1977

  28. Usually with my cats the answer would be D. I also knew a stray cat that was like this–invitations to pet were usually met with the GRAB, BITE, KICK, lick lick lick, KICK KICK BITE. I learned that it was far less painful to keep my hand limp during all of this. Since I’ve seen cats do this to other cats, I assume this behavior is more of that “humans are just big kitties” behavior.

    But if the cat is just hanging out and does that, I would assume it’s either pissed off or in pain.

    Possibly pissed off. Sometimes it’s the kitty version of “no means no.” If it’s usually a nice cat, I’d guess it has an ouchie. Or you’re touching it in a thoroughly unpleasant way.

    There was another stray that I quasi-adopted (I fed it and it stalked me around my neighborhood, but pets were a no-no in my building). If I tried to pet her she would raise her paw like, “I’mma slap you!” And she did slap me a few times. And bite. I kept wondering when our relationship would get to a point where she would “put out” in return for my niceness, ya know, but she continued to be a handtease–meow, roll on back, meow, rub my leg, meow meow, rub rub, OMG DO NOT TOUCH ME. Until about a week before I was going to leave, and then suddenly she wanted cuddles. Dammit.

  29. Niko is beautiful.

    David, I hope you get two! We’ve adopted pairs of siblings from the SPCA twice, and they definitely seem happier when they live with a sib (our shelter won’t let them be adopted until they’ve been neutered.) There are no downsides to having two, except for the double vet-bills, and I think the $$ are worth it.

  30. Actually, any of A through D (or WordSpinner’s F) might be the right answer, depending on circumstances. C should be used very sparingly, and only if the nose bops are very light, but if you have a cat with an attitude problem that tries to challenge your authority, you’ve got to put the Fear of H. sapiens into it somehow. Other than that, pay attention to what else the cat is doing:

    If kitty is also growling or hissing, probably A (but possibly B – some cats react to pain by getting cantankerous).
    If kitty is also flinching or crying, probably B.
    If kitty is also purring or rolling over, probably D/F (depending on your own tolerance for pain and play preferences)

    Some cats, especially when very young, don’t know their own strength and bite/scratch too hard while playing. You can usually tell when this is the case because it will bolt behind furniture when you go “OW!” and then peek out to see what you’re doing. In that case, you just have to be patient and modulate playtime until it figures out where the boundaries are.

    Cats are truly wonderful and every one is unique. I recommend them to almost anyone – they are the most low-maintenance pet you can have that will still love you back.

    (If anyone answered E…stick to your dolls, sicko. I mean that.)

  31. yay kitties.

    I need something to refresh the soul from Nikan, so I’m going to go and shamelessly taunt the people of my neighborhood with a new kilt, and stop by the local for some fries and a beer.


    @Naodi, you said “I’ve been trying to talk my boyfriend into a kitty” and i read it as “I’ve been trying to TURN my boyfriend into a kitty” and i was like…misandry?

    i wish i could have a kitty but i have allergies so i have to live vicariously through the kitty pics on this and other sites. hope to see more pics soon!🙂

  33. Happy Kitty Day! And, yes, you need at least two!

    And PICS when possible, plz.

  34. I LOBE KITTIES. But BoyFantastic is horribly allergic (so much so that when we visit my family next month we have to stay in a tent in the garden because my mum has three cats).

    We are hopefully adopting rats in September ^_^

  35. When BoyFantastic and I first met I had two cats, Sancho and Jemima. Jemima was tiny and terribly dim, she would lick cheesegraters and trip over her own paws. Sancho was my big fat baby, he would nag me until I picked him up and cradled him while singing riot grrrl songs, upon which he would fall asleep. He HATED BoyFantastic, so much so that he used to sleep in his baseball cap as he seemed to know BF was allergic, run outside and chow down grass then run over to BF just to vomit on him, then run outside again to repeat it and every time BF put his arm round me he would yowl at the top of his lungs until I picked him up, then immediately fall silent and I swear to gods, give BF the smuggest look I’ve ever seen a cat capable of.

    I miss my kitties😦 I moved 300 miles to live with BF and had to leave them with my housemate.

  36. We are hopefully adopting rats in September ^_^

    Yay! Rats are friggin’ adorable.

  37. Sancho and Jemima doing hugging (Jemima left, Sancho right)

    @Dracula I know, I’m really excited! When I was a kid we used to look after a couple of rats and they were so cute. BoyFantastic has had them before too. I think I’m just excited because this is the longest I’ve been without pets. At one point when I was young we had two dogs, three cats, two guinea pigs, two ferrets, the two loaned rats, a hamster and a tank full of fish. In a tiny terraced house😄

  38. I think there were about fifteen ferrets in this house at one point. By the time I moved in there was only one left, though. And he died not long after I arrived.

  39. Aw man, I loved my ferrets so much. I used to take them for walks on cat harnesses and me and my dad spent a great weekend building them a huge cage that took up 1/3 of the back yard.

  40. Kitties!

  41. ShadetheDruid

    Kyrie: Time for this again?

  42. Yayyy! And add me to the list of requests (nay, demands!) for pics, but only if your new kitty(ies) is(are) the cutest kitty(ies) in the world. (Disclaimer: I am pretty sure every kitty is The Cutest Kitty in the World. Don’t tell my kitty, as she is convinced she is the Only Kitty In the World.)

  43. Yay kitties! I went to the shelter a month ago to drop off some food and kitty litter and somehow by the time I left I had mysteriously acquired a kitten. Her name is Kaylee and she enjoys trying to devour my toes while I sleep, wrapping herself around the older kitty’s head and sitting on my keyboard.

  44. I just rescued 2 kittens in November, and they are an adorable handful, but the last time I was out buying cat supplies they had rescue kittens to be adopted and it took all of my willpower to get out of there without taking them all home. Kittens have a magical power to make a person temporarily suspend reason and think that, sure, 12 cats and a person can live happily in an apartment.

  45. David, I hope you make sure your kitty has plenty of up space. My cat’s up space is on top of the cupboards. She loves being able to look down on everyone from her perch.

  46. @cloudiah,

    but the last time I was out buying cat supplies they had rescue kittens to be adopted and it took all of my willpower to get out of there without taking them all home. Kittens have a magical power to make a person temporarily suspend reason and think that, sure, 12 cats and a person can live happily in an apartment.

    I know EXACTLY what you mean!! I’m the same about puppies as well as kitties. And when I drop off food and litter donations to the local animal shelter, I have to be careful, lest I bring home yet another puppy or kitty.

  47. And YES to PICS!!!

  48. Yo speaking of kitties my family just found a small orange tabby kitten, he is about 8-10 weeks old. I don’t think we can keep him since we already have ~6 cats and we will be moving shortly. If anybody is vaguely in the Pennsylvania area and wants a little buddy, or knows somebody trustworthy who would like one, you can contact me on the forums. He is very very friendly but a bit dumb, and he gets along well with our other cats and our dog

  49. Tak the Hideous New Girl

    Get two kitties! They really are no more work than one kitty.

    I adopted two matched kittens that were born under my friends porch to a feral mom cat (who is now spayed BTW). They hated me at first but now Louie Katz and Jenny Linsky are lovely happy cats.

  50. Kitty says:

    Oh hey! Hey Viscaria! I’m so happy to see you, I thought we could cuddle a little bit with no alternative motive whatsoever. See, I’m purring and bumping my head into yours, because love.

    Oh gosh, is that fish you’re eating? Why, I didn’t even notice, I just came over for the cuddles. But, hey, since we’re chatting, I bet you didn’t know I really, really like fish. You’re not going to eat all of that, are you?

  51. Yay for wonderful kitties. I hope David gets a nice one!

  52. RE: Amnesia

    Hey, your cat resembles my roommate’s, in build and size. I think roommate’s cat is part Maine Coon–he’s a pretty sizeable lump of catfluff. He also, thankfully, is the world’s most easygoing cat.


    At the shelter, I wanted to adopt ALL THE CATS but settled on two kittens, one black, one grey with somewhat wild-looking markings (stripes and spots). They are still adjusting to their new home. We had quite an extended play session earlier, and now they are napping. I might, too.

    Here’s a picture of the grey one, More pictures to come.

  54. Hurray! May you and your kitties have many happy years together!

  55. CassandraSays

    Kitty! Looking very sleepy indeed.

  56. Dawwwwwwwwwww!!! Good, keep the pics comin’!

  57. Aw, so sweet!

    At the shelter, I wanted to adopt ALL THE CATS…

    I feel that way every time I volunteer. And all I do is mow the lawn.

  58. that is a cute sleepy kitty. naps are nice.

  59. Shelter cats are the best cats ever and I wish the best for you and your new children.

  60. Thanks Shade, I was just looking for this! (I forgot it was an xkcd) So I guess we can expect very dumb post, ’cause that’s a really sweet kitty. I wish I could have one

  61. (why did it post? Damn thing)
    …but for now i don’t have the room. Soon, hopefully!

  62. *sadness* I’m going through agony with my cat right now. He just keeps peeing on everything cloth left anywhere, especially the couch or if my daughter leaves a blanket around, regardless of clean bill of health (no UTI, no kidney stone), regardless of clean litter box, regardless of Feliway sprayed everywhere. We use Nature’s Miracle enzyme cleaner while cleaning things, and it STILL DOES NOT WORK.

    I care about my cat, but I don’t think I can stand an apartment that reeks of piss for much longer.

  63. Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel


    Grey one is SNURGLZ. Hello to it.

  64. @ Nanasha

    Where do you keep his litter box? My cat peed on my bed once a while back, after my neighbor moved out and they redid her apartment. She was clearly stressed out by all the noise, and the location of the box was too near a window where the people working on the apartment were coming and going. Moving the box to a more hidden spot turned out to be the solution. You might also try this kitty litter, which can help to encourage a cat to use their box.

  65. Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel

    I will just add that someone’s got a little fangy-wangy.

  66. steve martin and a bit fat kitty…*swoon* my wee heart is beating fast

  67. @Cassandra- it’s in the bathroom, which is the furthest from anything loud or noisy in the apartment. And the access is always available. Plus, he has a covered box. We scoop it regularly. He just likes to pee on anything soft. I’m starting to think that he might be part Abysinnian or Siamese (he’s black and was adopted as an adult from the shelter so we don’t know) because apparently it’s really common for them to pee on soft stuff.

    I just don’t think that I can get rid of every soft surface in our apartment to discourage the behavior. And I’m not willing to kick him out of the bedroom permanently. *sigh*

  68. I locked my cat out of the bedroom for a while, until I could see that she was going in her box regularly again. You might have to do that until the behavior is resolved. It may also be that he doesn’t like the litter you’re using, so experiment with different ones. The Cat Attract has something in it that makes it smell appealing to cats.

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