Comics Break: All girls are good for is knittin’ an’ neckin’ and SATAN


I‘m feeling a bit poorly today, so in lieu of an actual post, here’s an old comic I found on a blog called Grottu. I’m pretty sure this is what our old friend NWOslave sees when he looks at the world.

Slightly more on topic, here’s a frame from an old romance comic; you can find a discussion of the somewhat, er, problematic story it’s from on Sequential Crush.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon,, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on November 1, 2012, in feminism, misogyny, pics and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 102 Comments.

  1. *Heaven*

    the short skirt would make them Heave🙂

  2. the short skirt would make them Heave

    Nah, I think the dirty old men who run American Christianity (TM) would absolutely adore a skirt that short. And then they’d get up in the pulpit every Wednesday and twice on Sunday and rail against ’em.

    Like how Baptists don’t recognize each other in the liquor store.

  3. @Seraph:

    Makes sense, really. Muspelheim notwithstanding, a realm of fire probably isn’t as scary to people who are mostly worried about cold. Need different scares for different audiences.

    On the same note, what everyone knows today about muslim heaven is that it’s got hot virgins. But in the Quran, the virgins are mentioned once or twice, while EVERY FREAKING TIME Muhammed writes something about Heaven he points out that it has “streams of water”.

  4. There’s something so utterly disturbing about watching Evangelical Christians who are trying to tamp down their God-given sexuality. Mostly because of the very real consequences to all women of powerful white men running around going, “I am totally pure in the Eyes of Christ! Any natural evil impulses I have are because of the HORES!”

    … Gentlemen, those of you who are not are not absurdly repressed can control themselves when I walk around in skirts above the knee.

  5. ALSO, “hooked on sex?” I am aware that there are some people who develop a psychological dependence on unhealthy, compulsive sexual behaviors, but being sexually active as a teenager is no more being “addicted to sex” than a teenager who wants to eat ALL THE THINGS to feed a growth spurt is “addicted to food.”

  6. The triple exclamation marks were Al Hartley’s trademark.

  7. EVERY FREAKING TIME Muhammed writes something about Heaven he points out that it has “streams of water”.

    I’m reminded of that scene from Dune where Chani asks Paul to tell her about the waters of his homeworld, where they have wonders like rain and rivers.

  8. Ooh! pdf versions of some Spire Christian Comics classics!

  9. Hey guys–I’ve got a complete collection of Chick’s Crusaders comics (they’re proper color comic books that pretend to have an actual plot) that I’ve been meaning to riff sometime. Anyone want to help? We could do it on chat or in the forums.

  10. thebewilderness

    This sort of thing always reminds me of Huck Finn.

    It was a close place. I took it up, and held it in my hand. I was a-trembling, because I’d got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself:

    “All right, then, I’ll go to hell” – and tore it up.

    – Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

  11. @tbw: you ever read Fred Clark?

  12. Hey guys–I’ve got a complete collection of Chick’s Crusaders comics (they’re proper color comic books that pretend to have an actual plot) that I’ve been meaning to riff sometime. Anyone want to help? We could do it on chat or in the forums.

    Sounds like fun!

  13. Aw, geez. My dad has huge collection of those comic books. All us kids used to read them when we were little (sadly, the fact that they now have torn pages and cookie smudges probably lowers any value they have…certainly, they have no artistic value…). There were also a bunch of comic books with superhero missionaries. I always liked the “Bible Smuggler” comic books, with the missionary who would bring bibles into communist countries. I thought it was so cool how good would “blind the eyes” of the godless communists that searched his trunk, and they would totally miss all the stacks of bibles and let him move on.

    Well, until I turned eleven, or so. Then I realized some of the major flaws in their logic. (“Uh, Daddy? Couldn’t the guards have been Christians, too, and that’s why they let him go through? Or maybe it was near the end of their shift and they didn’t want to deal with the paperwork? Or what if he slipped them a twenty at the gate?” *cue lecture on communists and how every single communist was completely devoted to destroying God and only God’s supernatural powers could have protected The Bible Smuggler.*)

  14. I love fundamentalist morality. Smuggling is bad! But if you do it for Jesus then it’s good! Also, if you want to convert people all you need to do is have them read the Bible! The fact that this doesn’t seem to be working very well in many parts of the world does not in any way indicate that the basic idea is unsound, it’s just that Satan has taken over the European Union.

  15. My favorite thing about Chick is that every conspiracy goes back to the Catholics. They invented Islam, Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Holocaust, Hinduism,

    Invented Hinduism? Did the Catholic Church have a time machine or something?

  16. Smuggling is bad!

    I read that as “snuggling”, then I had a sad.

  17. Guys, guys! I need help thinking of a Christmas project my daughter and I can do. It needs to be something decorative. Any ideas?

  18. pillowinhell, how about wreaths or ornaments? Since my husband’s family is so gigantic, every year we have a craft contest. Last years was make a wreath using found/recycled objects, the year before was make a Christmas tree out of something organic (we won that year), and three years ago was make an ornament for someone who’s name you picked. For that one, I used plain glass ornaments, paint, and other stuff to make a Very Vegas ornament for my SIL who loves that place.

  19. Actually, Cassandra, Jack Chick’s fundamentalist mentality is more like you can be as bad as you want to be, whether you’re a liar, a thief, hell, child abusers have been shown to be OK, just as long as you accept Jesus. Meanwhile, you could be doing charity work, ending world hunger, disease, or anything bad in the world, but if you’re not shoving religion down their throats, you’re doing a bad thing.

  20. Invented Hinduism? Did the Catholic Church have a time machine or something?

    I believe the Papal Time Machine is how the Pope went back in time to kill Jesus.

  21. At my old church, a lot of the families would spend Halloween in prayer. And then they gave out Chick Tracks to the kids instead of candy.

    My parents were not that crazy. We were allowed to go Trick-or-Treating (and, boy, did we get crap for that at church), as long as we didn’t dress up as witches, the Devil, or demons. Because witches and demons are real, you see, and Mom didn’t want us making light of or imitating evil. And, of course, we couldn’t watch scary movies that contained witches or devils or black magic or anything like that. (Yeah, Sabrina the Teenage Witch was off-limits. So was Scooby-Doo. Although we did get to watch some Disney movies, which again, marked us as Not Quite Good Enough at church.) So, still a little crazy, just not as crazy.

  22. Why is Scooby Doo un-Christian? Is it because the dog talks?

  23. The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

    Cthulhu’s Intern – that sounds like some Assembly of God people I worked with back in the 80s. One of them said “Mahatma Gandhi was a Satanic figure” to me one day. My mind still boggles thinking about that. The only good thing I can think of him saying regarding religion or beliefs was “Of course animals have souls!” which is a step up from the animals-are-soulless-machines creeps.

  24. @CassandraSays

    As I kid I believed it was because there were ghosts and goblins and magic and all that stuff we weren’t allowed to watch. Didn’t want us getting seduced by the supernatural, and all that.

    Now that I’m an adult and I’ve actually seen episodes of Scooby-Doo…maybe they just didn’t want us watching a program that showed if you actually looked beneath the mask (to quote Tim Minchin) there was always a logical explanation, no magic need apply? That’s a much more dangerous idea for a religious kid than anything witchy.

    (Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s because my mom had no more idea what Scooby-Doo was about than I did. She probably just saw the commercials and put it in the “forbidden” category…or someone else told her it was bad, I dunno. I mean, we didn’t watch a lot of TV, to be honest. I couldn’t watch Rugrats because she felt the kids were disrespectful to their parents. It made it a little difficult to relate to kids my own age outside of church. Even now, I have some serious pop-culture gaps. I honestly don’t get a lot of the references people make. I love how Nick is running all the old shows from back when I was a kid, like Clarissa and Doug and All That…I feel like I can catch up, get a little taste of what I missed back then.)

  25. I mean, I know it’s full of “vampires” and stuff, but they always turn out to be some guy in a costume, and the kids always save the day. It’s just so wholesome and harmless.

    Maybe part of the problem is that Daphne and Velma are in short skirts and not helpless?

  26. Re: Scooby Doo. Maybe it’s because everyone is constantly stoned?

  27. Also, if you want to convert people all you need to do is have them read the Bible!

    Indeed. Like it’s the Necronomicon or something. Scary, really.

    And in some Chick Tracts, Chick Tracts themselves have the same effect! I guess Pride isn’t a sin if you’re the right kind of Christian.

  28. Speaking of pride, I just watched a documentary about the Phelps family. That’s some ego that Grandpa Phelps has, and apparently he passed every bit of it on to his daughter Shirley.

  29. Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III

    Re: Scooby Doo – I think that Christians might be on the right track here. Scrappy Doo is clearly the spawn of Lucifer.

  30. CassandraSays: I’ve heard, though, that the Phelps family is actually just a group of con artists posing as religious fundamentalists. You see, they’re all lawyers, so they intentionally piss everyone off, wait for someone to cross the line, then they sue. There’s some circumstantial evidence for it, just look at them protesting. They’re all just calm and collected, even when there’s people shouting at them. Another thing: Back in the 60s, Fred Phelps was very active in the civil rights movement, and was given awards by the NAACP, and has donated a lot of money to the Democratic party.

  31. @Cthulhu’s Intern

    That’s an interesting theory. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse, though…like, on one hand, I’d be glad to know that they didn’t actually believe all those horrible things, but on the other, how sick is it to torture families that have lost someone they love for money?

    I don’t really buy it. The interviews of the Phelps kids (I know there’s a youtube link somewhere)…I don’t think that can be faked. A five year old isn’t going to lisp about f**s burning in hell or whatever if she hasn’t grown up soaked in that environment. I don’t think they could really coach that for the cameras. (If I’m wrong and they did…again, I don’t know if that makes the more or less evil.) Plus, there are at least two kids of his that I’m aware of who have been completely kicked out of the family and excommunicated. They’ve talked somewhat about the horror show they grew up in, and how they have no contact with their family now. I think they probably would have come forward if it was really a scam (not to mention that you don’t normally disown your kids for not following in the family “business”). I guess you could assume that they’re in on it, too, but the more people you add to a conspiricy, the more it becomes unlikely for it to be able to remain a secret. And we’re talking, like, upwards of 50 people or so with the Phelps clan. I can’t really believe they could be that sucessful at keeping everyone in line and on script.

    Addicted to Hate is a pretty extensive book about Fred Phelps and the clan. I think the more likely explanation is that he is seriously mentally ill* and, unfortunately, has the force of personality that his family bought into his delusions instead of getting him help.

    * That is NOT to say that a person has to be mentally ill to be hateful and evil, or that being mentally ill makes one hateful and evil. But from listening to his rantings and reading a little of his history, it does seem to me like he has a history of severe depression, mood swings, and delusions. But I’m obviously not his (or anyone’s) psychiatrist; I just struggle with mental illness, myself.

  32. My theory on the Phelps family is that at one point they were perfectly rational people, and then Grandad went off the deep end and started trying to turn the family into his own little personality cult, and enough of his kids went along for the ride that they were able to pull most of their kids, spouses, etc. with them. They’re definitely con artists, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t actually believe all kinds of ridiculous shit too.

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