Toilet Soap: How evil women trick men into thinking they’re not old hags


We were talking the other day about an especially popular Manosphere fairy tale — you know, the one in which evil women in their “prime” years in their twenties have lots of sex with charming assholes (and none with hard-working decent nice guys), only to panic when they hit the age of thirty or so and suddenly become ugly monsters.

Well, apparently the evil women have come up with a technical solution to that whole “getting old and ugly” problem. I have uncovered secret evidence in the form of a pamphlet or leaflet that the women of the world evidently circulate amongst themselves.


Very clever of these sneaky women to call this magical age-defying balm “Toilet Soap,” to make us men think it’s a product only used for cleaning toilets, which is something women apparently do on a regular basis. But no, they put this so-called “Toilet Soap” on their faces!

I have been unable to find any of this “Lux Toilet Soap” at the local grocery store. So I’ve been trying out other toilet cleaners to see if they have the same age-retarding effects. So far I have had little luck. The Clorox Toilet Wand is harsh and awkward to use. Lime-A-Way Toilet Bowl Cleaner gave me a rash. The less said about my experience with the Scrubbing Bubbles Toilet Cleaning Gel, the better. I have not yet tried Lysol’s Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner, as I am pretty sure Lysol is intended only for vaginas.

Also, fellas, I don’t want to alarm you, but I have been doing reasearch on yet another way women try to trick us into thinking that they’re hotter than they really are. It’s apparently called “make-up.” I will fill you in on the details as I learn more about it.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon,, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on April 13, 2013, in alpha asshole cock carousel, evil sexy ladies, misogyny, the olden days and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 213 Comments.

  1. @Historphilia:

    It also possible to damage your hearing if you don’t tie your men properly (for example if you don’t have the strings flat).

    Tie your men properly?

    I know what you mean (thank you, google), but considering where this conversation started, I am inordinately amused by this statement.


  2. I would think you’d get hearing damage if you don’t gag your men properly…


  3. What I thought about bogu is that, compared to chain, and plate, is that it’s moves less well. But that’s an issue of fit. The style doesn’t lend itself to being closefitting. It’s lighter than plate, but more awkward. I suspect that being able to find a set that fit really well would improve it, but they are very different styles, meant to do different things.

    I’ve been reluctant to try kendo, because I know too many ways of using swords. I can do Western style “fencing” fairly well, because it’s where I started, and the formalisms don’t bother me. But I’ve spent too much of my subsequent study with steel. It’s why I don’t even think about heavy weapons in the SCA. What they do is a really effective fighting style (and it’s made it possible for me to wear armor which fit really well; because there are a lot of armorers out there), but it’s not really a swordfighting art.

    Kendo’s stylizations are enough different (and I know why they are, and the physics of shinai/bokken are what they are) that I am sure I would have a hard time unlearning what I know of other things, to be a good kendoka. It’s also why I have a hard time with various arts (esp. aikido) knife drills.

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