Dating guru Alex Matlock: Sex with women who fear you and push you away might not be much fun


Protip: This does not mean “yes.”

So “dating” guru Roosh has a post up on his Return of Kings blog by another self-professed dating guru, Alex Matlock, who rates various types of “bad sex” according to the type of female partner who’s involved in them, including such charmingly named types as “The one that tries too much (aka The Disaster)” and “The one that doesn’t move (aka The Starfish or The Doll).”

I expected a good deal of standard-issue manosphere misogyny in Matlock’s list, but I honestly couldn’t make it past his description of what he regards as the second-worst type of female sex partner: “The one that’s scared (aka The Virgin).” Because what he’s describing doesn’t sound so much like “bad sex” as “date rape.”

[TRIGGER WARNING for what follows; emphasis mine.]

This girl doesn’t necessarily have to be a virgin because she can still act the part many years after she’s popped that priceless cherry. She will usually look at you with fear in her eyes as if she has no idea about what’s going to happen. She gently pushes you away as if she’s not ready for the event and when it does happen she continues to act like it’s the first time. She usually sits in some extremely awkward positions that make you give up and just go missionary. This girl will eventually bust your nut but she’ll surely leave you with a sense of disappointment and/or guilt.

Uh, Mr. Matlock, I’m hoping for everyone’s sake that this is a hypothetical “humorous” scenario you’ve come up with for the sake of this article and not something you’ve been a part of in the actual real world on a regular basis, because, unless you’ve left out that portion of the hypothetical events in which the woman in question clearly and unequivocally consents to having sex with your hypothetical protagonist here, what you’ve just described as “bad sex” (for the hypothetical dude) is actually a description of, well, rape from the point of view of the rapist.

In which case that twinge of guilt your hypothetical protagonist hypothetically feels is probably just the tiny part of his hypothetical self that’s still human reacting to the fact that he JUST (hypothetically) FUCKING RAPED SOMEONE.

MRAs and PUAs and manospherean assholes generally like to pretend that consent is some weird and mysterious thing, but it’s really not. Here’s a hint: if a women looks at you with fear in her eyes and pushes you away all while sitting in a position that makes sex difficult …. all that means NO.

The fact that Matlock — despite those twinges of guilt — still doesn’t regard this as the worst kind of “bad sex” (for the guy) but merely the second-worst adds a certain level of absurdity to the horror.

Given Roosh’s publication of this piece by Matlock, and the fact that he himself has already confessed to committing what would be considered date rape by American standards by having sex with at woman too inebriated to give consent, perhaps it’s time to stop referring to Roosh as a dating guru and to start referring to him as a date rape guru.

I don’t really have anything else to say.

Here, as brain bleach, are some cats with smaller versions of themselves:


About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon,, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on May 25, 2013, in creepy, irony alert, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, narcissism, playing the victim, PUA, rape, rape culture, rhymes with roosh, victim blaming and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 851 Comments.

  1. Bostonian: I mean, who would want to have a relationship or sex with someone with a disability? Especially one who told the truth about it?

    All my partners, since I became disabled.

    As you say, it’s not that hard. My partners have also revealed their disabilities to me (several have significant allergies, which makes cooking/going out different, even difficult, one is dirt poor as well; so we either have to go to less expensive places, or I should offer to cover; at least part of, the tab, one has fibromyalgia, and a desire for children; so the conversations we had before we had sex included that she was only using condoms, and if there was a failure she was keeping the child; I could be involved, or not, if there was a pregnancy [a we are a past tense item; but the fibro is still in the present tense])

    Remarkably, none of these were enough to make us stop being interested in each other. I’ve had far more in the way of negative reaction to letting people know I am/was a soldier. That has killed some promising relationships dead in their tracks.

    But that’s ok, because that’s part of who I am too, and I have no interest in someone who doesn’t want me as I am.

  2. Eurosabra: So basically you think my lying about my own disability status is coercion. That’s unreasonable in the extreme.

    Way to pretend to miss the point. It’s where you admit to gaslighting women, as in your admission that you lie about your disabilities to women who recognise them.

    Why should we believe you when you say you limit the things you lie about?

    About men dictating to women the women’s experiences, I mean..

    Compare and contrast:

    Ah, abuse. Because confronting the fact that some men are utterly without options (unlike practically any woman) is unwanted contact with reality.

    Hypocrisy, without even an intervening comment.

    You think that people who barely know me have some magic douche detector, when in fact I’ve seem previously-smiling women turn tail and run because I am limping (slightly) as I walk over to them. So, yeah, you’re dictating my experience, and there’s no point in a discussion.

    You are failing to get the point. People are saying that they have a very different experience. I’ve been limping (and skeletally underweight; as well as twitchy as all fuck with low-grade maladjustment to being outside a combat zone), and I haven’t had women I was approaching “turn tail and run” when I approached them.

    So while I am willing to grant this is your experience, I am (from my experience) not willing to attribute it to the limp.

    Can you appreciate there is a difference in those two things? Or is your self-valorisation too great to postulate that perhaps our experience of similar events is somewhat probative, though not conclusively dispostive?

    Fade: Cue almost a full decade of closing doors. It’s magic, the combination of being SICK and being MALE makes almost ALL women immediately leave

    Hermn… lessee… I was disabled just a bit more than ten years ago (the actual diagnosis was two weeks ago tomorrow). Let me see how many women have rejected me in the manner you describe…

    None. And eight of those years were in LA, SLO, and SF. Hunh. It’s almost as if this universal constant you are talking about ain’t so universal.

    Maybe the problem isn’t women, but some aspect of the choices you are making. Perhaps Planet Hollywood isn’t the best place for you to look for partners.

    Because reality keeps confirming that that is the case.

    Nope. It seems that being Eurosabra means a 90 percent rejection rate when honest; and somewhat better rate when lying, what’s the present ratio, 50:1, 70:1? At any rate you are averring it’s not worse than 89:1. Game is so helpful.

  3. ” Game is so helpful.”

    ::mops coffee off desk::

  4. wguffaw-ferrets — new meds-psych today and I am fresh out of spoons, but I still want to thank you for that and offer more Jedi hugs if they’re welcome.

    Also, “kindly go fuck yourself”? Whee! Someone else who prefixes it with “kindly”!

  5. It’s magic, the combination of being SICK and being MALE makes almost ALL women immediately leave.

    @Eurosadly – do you have any close friends in your life who could give you some honest feedback about your approach (‘mild gaslighting’, etc – please to describe) with women? Because seriously, there’s more going on (as everyone here has told you). If the vast majority of women aren’t interested, it ain’t your disability (which you said is a limp?)

    My dad is short, and has a prosthetic hand. He also went grey and lost most of his hair in his early twenties. He met my (raven-haired, UK mod bombshell – this was 1970) mum while grey, bald, short and sporting a pretty groovy hook-hand.

    They divorced when I was 14 – not because he was short, grey, bald and down a hand, but because he was having a torrid affair (with the woman he is now married to – long, long story, it’s all good now)

    My mum re-married an awesome guy who happens to have a limp (hey!) because he had polio as a kid. He’s battling lymphoma now, and TOTES AMAZING she hasn’t up and left the guy for being sick while male.

    Friend of mine with a brain injury and a limp (hey!) got married. Another friend of mine with epilepsy got married. WHILE SICK AND MALE, whatistheworldcomingto. My brother-in-law has learning disabilities. Another friend of mine is morbidly obese and married to a woman who loves him.

    In addition to being sick/disabled while male, all of these fellows also happen to be nice, genuine, fun, caring (the list goes on) people.

    In other words, cry us a fucking river, toots. Plenty of IRL examples of people with disabilities, or who are sick while male, not only dating but having successful long term relationships. This may or may not lead you to believe that perhaps, maybe, possibly your lack of success may have something to do with… not your disablility?

  6. ::reads Tracy’s comment::




  7. Friend of mine is getting toward deaf as a stump (his hearing aids have to be turned up so high his voice echoes in his throat from them), and has a prosthetic nose (life as a gardener at the LA Arboretum).

    Women don’t flee him.

  8. And Tracy provides several examples of people with disabilities that cause them to limp having strong, healthy relationships! Also pecuinum, right there with his experience!
    So limping, in and of itself, is not really the barrier you pretend it is, Eurosabra.
    Now, these people with relationships might be looking in different environments, i.e., not clubs, where people may have a more ableist bias than other places, but seriously, getting laid through lying is gross and rapey at best.

  9. CassandraSays

    @ David

    If you want to take the basic ideas and make a post out of them then go ahead, but not a direct quote with my nym on it, please. Too many creepy, creepy people read your posts (but not the comments in most cases).

  10. Pecs: “Which is why you are a lousy troll, and a pathetic joke.”
    “Now youu’re mean again

    ” To troll well, you need to have a mastery of subtext, so you can make insinuations, get people reacting to things they didn’t notice at the conscious level.”
    This is interesting, why people are reacting like that. This means you can deceive people to believe falsehoods by speaking technical truths all the time. Almost perfect with gooddeniability afterwards. Wouldn’t this be a great asset for a con artist or a spin doctor and where can you study this skill. Are there online courses?

    “This requires brains (and perhaps education), as well as rhetorical skills you don’t possess.”

    And some meanness again..🙂

  11. tals: . Wouldn’t this be a great asset for a con artist or a spin doctor and where can you study this skill. Are there online courses?

    No, but I know a place you can be paid to study the techniques; with room, board, medical coverage, and a clothing allowance.

    Just talk to your local Army recruiter, and tell her you want to enlist and become a 35Mike. They will be glad to sign you up for lessons.

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