Paul Elam of A Voice for Men: In His Own Words

Paul Elam on 20/20

Paul Elam in a web-only clip from the 20/20 segment that never ran on television.

Paul Elam, the founder and primary animating force behind the website A Voice for Men, is probably, for better or worse, the most influential figure in the Men’s Rights movement (or, as he prefers to call it, the Men’s Human Rights Movement).

Elam is also a fierce misogynist with a penchant for angry, violent rhetoric full of only-slightly veiled threats. But don’t take my word for it. Perhaps the best way to get to know Mr. Elam is through his own words.

So here are some of Elam’s thoughts on a variety of issues, taken from postings on his own website.  I have linked each quote back to its source on A Voice for Men.

Paul Elam on Domestic Violence

In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.

I’d like to make it the objective for the remainder of this month, and all the Octobers that follow, for men who are being attacked and physically abused by women – to beat the living shit out of them. I don’t mean subdue them, or deliver an open handed pop on the face to get them to settle down. I mean literally to grab them by the hair and smack their face against the wall till the smugness of beating on someone because you know they won’t fight back drains from their nose with a few million red corpuscles.

And then make them clean up the mess. …

Now, am I serious about this?

No. Not because it’s wrong. It’s not wrong. Every one should have the right to defend themselves. …

But it isn’t worth the time behind bars or the abuse of anger management training that men must endure if they are uppity enough to defend themselves from female attackers.

Here, courtesy of the Wayback Machine, is the post as it originally appeared on A Voice for Men in 2010, where it was illustrated with a picture of a woman with a black eye, captioned “Maybe she DID have it coming.”

Elam now says this was “satire,” though its hard to see how it is “satire” when he clearly says that he doesn’t think his allegedly “satirical” solution is wrong. When Swift wrote his Modest Proposal he didn’t think that eating babies was actually a good thing; if so, it would not have been a satire.

Paul Elam on Rape

I have ideas about women who spend evenings in bars hustling men for drinks, playing on their sexual desires … And the women who drink and make out, doing everything short of sex with men all evening, and then go to his apartment at 2:00 a.m.. Sometimes both of these women end up being the “victims” of rape.

But are these women asking to get raped?

In the most severe and emphatic terms possible the answer is NO, THEY ARE NOT ASKING TO GET RAPED.

They are freaking begging for it.

Damn near demanding it.

And all the outraged PC demands to get huffy and point out how nothing justifies or excuses rape won’t change the fact that there are a lot of women who get pummeled and pumped because they are stupid (and often arrogant) enough to walk though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.

Elam, apparently trying to project a more respectable image, has replaced the original A Voice for Men post containing these passages with a disingenuous disclaimer. But the Internet never forgets. An archived copy of the original post can be found through the Wayback Machine here. The quote is not any better in context.

Paul Elam on Why He Would Vote to Acquit All Rapists

Elam feels that courts are “patently untrustworthy when it comes to the offense of rape” and so, he explained in one post:

Should I be called to sit on a jury for a rape trial, I vow publicly to vote not guilty, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that the charges are true.

Original post here.

Paul Elam Explains How the Thought of Harming His Critics Sexually Arouses Him

No, I’m not making this up. Here are the strange, threatening remarks he addressed to an opponent of his Register-Her website (on which, more below).

Do you think I am going to stop?

It’s a serious question, because the answer to that question … should inform you of what will work for you or not work for you in dealing with me.

And the answer is, of course, no, I am not going to stop. You see, I find you, as a feminist, to be a loathsome, vile piece of human garbage. I find you so pernicious and repugnant that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.

Original post here.

Paul Elam on the Necessity of “Inflicting Pain” on Opponents

Progress for men will not be gained by debate, reason or typical channels of grievance available to segments of the population that the world actually gives a damn about. The progress we need will only be realized by inflicting enough pain on the agents of hate, in public view, that it literally shocks society out of its current coma.

You can see this quote in context here.

Paul Elam, the World’s Strangest “Pacifist”

From a post on family courts:

I am a pacifist. I do not advocate violence. But I tell you this. The day I see one of these absolutely incredulous excuses for a judge dragged out of his courtroom into the street, beaten mercilessly, doused with gasoline and set afire by a father who just won’t take another moment of injustice, I will be the first to put on the pages of this website that what happened was a minor tragedy that pales by far in comparison to the systematic brutality and thuggery inflicted daily on American fathers by those courts and their police henchmen.

It would not even so much be a tragedy as the chickens coming home to roost.

You can see the comment in context here.

Paul Elam on Mothers’ Day

To all you mothers of the world, please give your Mother’s Day flowers and give them all generously. Most importantly, give them where they will do the most good. Place a bunch of daffodils at a dumpster near you, perhaps one in which one of you, or one of your kind, has tossed an unwanted baby, leaving it there to slowly die alone in a pile of trash.

Perhaps you could lay a single rose at the base of a bridge that has been used by a mother to throw her baby into an icy river. Perhaps you can lay it there with hands that have beaten or shaken a baby to death. …

Inspired? Good. Now perhaps some of you could place large, colorful arrangements at the abortion centers where women go to have children cut out and laid to rest in those colorful and attractive biohazard containers that are all the rage in the clinics.

He continues on in this vein for some time before getting to this:

This is not a request for some mothers, or a percentage of them, but all of you. In fact, you don’t even have to be a mother. If you have a vagina, the blood of all those children, who are abused far more at the hands of women than men, has stained your skin and caked around the cuticles of your fingers.

And he continues on for several more paragraphs of abuse, until this:

In Daffodils for Dumpsters the gash gets you in, and you don’t really have a choice.

After several more paragraphs of this he makes clear that this time he’s not even claiming he’s writing satire:

Now, do I really mean all this? Yes.

You can read the whole remarkable thing here. He also wrote a similarly unhinged post about Valentines Day, which I wrote about here.

Now, Elam not only says many terrible things; he also does terrible things. Here are a few posts detailing some of these things.

Here’s a post about his website Register-Her, a fake “offenders registry” where feminist writers and activists are vilified alongside female murderers and child abusers, and threatened with the exposure of their personal information, in an attempt to silence them.

Here’s a post about A Voice for Men’s glorification of Thomas Ball, a disturbed man and self-admitted child abuser who set himself on fire on the steps of a courthouse in hopes that his death would inspire Men’s Rights activists to launch a campaign of firebombing attacks against courthouses and police stations.

Despite Elam’s claims of non-violence, A Voice for Men published Ball’s long terrorist manifesto — including his calls for firebombing — on its website, in its “activism” section. It was only after the Boston Marathon bombings that AVFM finally took the manifesto down.

Here’s a post about the time Paul Elam (along with a ragtag team of online misogynists and white supremacists) viciously attacked a young woman as an anti-male, anti-white bigot, resulting in threats directed at her and at her alma mater, Georgetown University. As it turned out, all the attacks on her, from Elam and other, were based on bogus information — as Elam would have known if he had taken ten minutes to fact check his sources.

These quotes, and these articles, are really only the tip of the iceberg. I invite anyone interested in finding out more about what Paul Elam believes to look through my archives at some of my other posts about him, and about A Voice for Men more generally.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon,, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on October 18, 2013, in a voice for men, a woman is always to blame, abortion, advocacy of violence, antifeminism, domestic violence, evil sexy ladies, evil women, harassment, hate, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, not-quite-explicit threats, not-quite-plausible deniability, paul elam, playing the victim, rape, rape culture, taking pleasure in women's pain, terrorism and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 586 Comments.

  1. Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III


  2. Argh!😀

  3. Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III

    Thank you! I’m here all week.

  4. cassandrakitty

    Don’t try the semolina, unless you have very adventurous tastes.

  5. @woody,

    Ok twerp, you are really getting on my nerve. Feminism resulted in a type of activism encouraging women to demonstrate peacefully, to get into the workplace, to get control over their own reproduction…all and all, positive and non-violent things. Mary Wollstonecraft wrote “A Vindication of the Rights of Woman” in 1792. That’s not from yesterday women have been fighting for equality and when violence happened in the history of feminism, it was by large violence directed toward women, not the opposite. We are talking a systematic oppression of 50% of the population. If anybody dig hard enough, that they find a few extremist views in the lot is not only normal, its almost unavoidable. But the movement is without a doubt, a non-violent one. It has the track record to prove it. In statistics, the stuff you insist in dredging from the historical record are called outliers. There are so few and far in between that you guys recycle them ad nauseum. I guess its beyond your comprehension that repeating the same anecdotal evidence over and over does not generate new data to support your claims. Outliers are legitimately removed from an analysis because they are considered irrelevant flukes having no bearing on the general trend. That’s how you deal with a data set. From what I read on your various venues, your lot seems to have enormous difficulty understanding statistics.

    On the other, misogynist, like racism, has a long, and very well documented history of oppression and violence. Guys like Elam may never do their dirty work themselves, but they sure fuel the fire that makes others act. Its why its rightfully called hate speech.

  6. ^Oops….I think I posted on the wrong thread ^ bedtime methink …

  7. I can’t even remember where Woody was flailing at this point, so it’s understandable.😀


  8. I’m for the MRM, but this guy isn’t a good example. My opinion changed completely about Paul Elam when he said that women are begging to get raped. That is not only an insult to females, but to males. He is implying that it’s OK to rape women because if they’re dressed up in such an explicit way, you could just have their way with them and it would be all the woman’s fault. Rape isn’t always about how the way someone looks to. It’s often about dominance and power.

  9. There aren’t any prominent MRAS who aren’t rape apologists so perhaps you should rethink being for them.

  10. What WWTH said.

  11. Yeah, no shit, rape is about “dominance and power.” Uh, yeah, feminists and women and general have been saying that for decades, Malik. But thanks for the mansplaining.

    P.S. MRMs are assholes.

  12. Sorry for necroposting again…
    I find it darkly amazing that Thomas Ball fought for 10 years and eventually set himself on fire when all he really needed to do was go to a counselor and admit he had done wrong in slapping his child bloody-mouthed, then figure out ways to not do it again.

    Instead he dug himself into this giant hole and then finished by traumatizing his kids in a much more hideous fashion, because it pained him too much to say ” I overreacted, I lost my temper, I was wrong.”

  13. I have just joined the proud cadre of men who have been banned from commenting on A Voice For Men by one of Paul Elam’s gatekeepers for challenging his article “F*ck You, Judith Grossman”, which condemned this courageous self-declared feminist who spoke out in the WS Journal about the Title IX witch hunts which labeled her college son a rapist for a consensual relationship gone bad.

    As a three-decade leader and activist in the Men’s Movement, I have zero tolerance for men like Paul Elam, who do so much damage to efforts toward gender equity and mutual respect.

  14. “Must delete dissenting comments.”

  15. If this is what the Mens Rights Movement is about, it does not now, nor will it ever speak for me……Reading Pauls words here makes me sick and ashamed to be a man.

  16. Elam’s article was a response to this article:… So were is Futrelle’s article about that?

  17. Sounds like a typical rad-feminist. Other gender, same story.

  18. This isn’t any worse then thing said by Andrea Dworkin, Robin Morgan, or Marlyn French. Any number of feminist from the 60’s & 70’s have said equally raw things, yet it’s okay. But for some reason when a man vents it’s hate speech. I just don’t get it.

  19. @Albert, where exactly did they consistently call for violence? Which specific quotes are you referring to?

  20. Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)


    I’m sorry. I guess we should be following and supporting feminist works from 50-60 years ago that have not adopted with the times or struggles. I guess we’ve been femnisting wrong this entire time.


  21. The Dworkin argument, That’s a good one. I never heard that one before!

  22. Alan Robertshaw

    @ WWTH

    In my head I’ve got this vision of you hovering over a bingo card saying “C’mon; I just need Valerie Solanas!”:-)

  23. There is more than one necro troll on this page and none of them have given me my Solanas square yet!

  24. “Elam now says this was ‘satire,'” LOL but he loves to criminalize #killallmen regardless of the fact that it was satire as well. Both nonsense, except Elam’s hasn’t been called out, to contradict even more the belief that “if it were women everyone would start freaking out.”

  1. Pingback: Paul Elam: “If a woman five feet tall and 110 pounds soaking wet hits me, I am going to hit her back.” | we hunted the mammoth

  2. Pingback: Shake It Out: The MRA Hate Movement and a Word on Radical Fauxminism, too! | fake cis girl

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