MGOTWers in Space
Women always go for the alien alpha assholes.
So a six man crew has just touched down on Earth after a nearly two-year Russian expedition to mars. Well, that’s not quite true. The five men have returned from an imaginary trip to a fake mars; in reality, they spent the entirety of the “mission” sitting in some trailers in a parking garage in Moscow. Except for a brief interlude in which several of the fake marsonauts took a brief stroll on the surface of fake mars – also inside a trailer in the parking lot.
The idea behind all this? To see if six dudes could manage to stay sane while stuck in cramped quarters together for the length of time it would take to go to mars and back.
One of the many weird details about this weird faux-mission is that it was an all-dude affair. None of the marsonauts were women. Not, evidently, because the mission planners thought that women would be less capable than men of handing the pressure of a fake (or even a real) mission to mars. But because if they sent any ladies along, the men would want to have sex with them. As one news account explains:
Controversially, the experiment did not include a woman, with researchers clearly wanting to avoid it degenerating into a scientific version of television’s sexual tension-filled “Big Brother”.
When the “returning” marsonauts stepped out of their “spaceship” at the end of the experiment, the same news account notes,
They were each presented with a flower by young female researchers in white coats as a reward for their endeavours.
It has not been confirmed if the marsonauts popped boners at the sight.
I for one support the notion of male-only spaceflights, real or phony. And not just because the ladies would turn our space capsules into deep space slutmobiles. Just imagine what would happen if a female-infested space crew had an encounter of the third kind with some really handsome space alien dudes – the interstellar equivalents of Brad Pitt. You know what would happen next: those dirty sluts would sell out our planet for a ride on the little green cock carousel.
Ah, who am I kidding, those sluts would sneer at the little green men, holding out for the tall greys.
Audiovidual supplement: Three videos. One, Rachel Maddow talking about the mission at its halfway point. Two, a brief look at everyday life on the “spaceship.” And last but definitely not least: a video of the fake-mars walk. Inside a trailer. You have to watch at least a few seconds of that one.
Posted on November 6, 2011, in alpha males, bad boys, I am making a joke, I'm totally being sarcastic, MGTOW, misogyny, sex. Bookmark the permalink. 117 Comments.
@Holly
Don’t you know? When a woman messes up at something, it means all women are bad at that thing. When a man messes up at something, it means that that man messed up.
Also, my military electrician’s mate class, in which I was the only girl, were a truly great, accepting, fabulously awesome bunch, (Except for the ones who got kicked out, one for child porn… eww) who probably either wanted to sleep with me or resented my awfulness at everything and cursed affirmative action, underneath it all, and I was too stupid to notice.
In fact, I had to have a piece legally fact-checked once as my editor wanted to make sure that there wasn’t the tiniest risk of the magazine being sued. This involved a lawyer going over what I’d written literally syllable by syllable and then requesting me to provide documentary evidence (of a quality that would stand up in court) in support of every single assertion that I’d made.
but arent you british?
We have lawyers in Britain too. In fact, we’ve had them for several centuries longer, though I agree the US seems to make more use of them.
no, i meant we dont have to do that in the us because, if youre writing about a public figure, its semi-protected speech, and your liability for defamation is extremely limited.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_york_times_v._sullivan
Conversely, we have rather notoriously draconian libel laws, so I suspect the process I underwent is more common on my side of the pond.
But there are similarly rigorous (if less legally essential) fact-checking systems in the US - the New Yorker is the most famous, but probably not the only one.
But… but… Mars needs moms!
-slinks away-
oh yeah, we still have fact-checking, but its more about the integrity of the publication and lawyers dont get involved. to sue an american publication, you pretty much have to catch the writer on tape admitting he made the whole thing up.
One of my favourite fact-checking stories was when I was editing a piece about a restaurant which apparently served ‘lung moose’. Given that it was a Nordic restaurant it was entirely possible that it actually served moose, so I had to find out whether they meant ‘lung mousse’ or ‘moose lung’. When I phoned up the restaurant the owner chuckled and said that it was in fact moose lung mousse.
Lung mousse? Moose lung? Why not both!
(Why is sexy saucer person holding a beaker of piss? Is it earth hottie urine for testing and experimentation, or does he just like looking at his own? I’m sure Slavey has some insights.)
Viscaria: You may have found a critical flaw in their plan! We all know what happens when you leave guys alone on a space station.
JohnnyBB: Yep.
Dammit! Here. I dare you to hit the “Last” button.
My mom and dad met in grad school for engineering, and my mom was one of two women in their class. (It wasn’t all bad, though; her female friend wasn’t the monogamous type at that age and kinda had the pick of the litter for dating. ;p) But I’d still rather be able to take a class where everyone around me wasn’t obsessing about my genital configuration, yanno?
@katz: I didn’t bother reading the text on the “last” page (let’s be honest; who would?) but I am mildly disappointed that they seem to have artificial gravity there. Gay sex in zero G would be equal parts sexy and fucking hilarious. ;D
I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.
I think their sleeping bags (which are bungie-corded or million-dollar-gadget-that’s-basically-a-bungie-cord-ed to the wall) would provide enough, ehm, containment for sexual activity.
Katz: dare accepted, sexy fun enjoyed!
Bagelsan: I chose what I wanted to study because it was what I was interested in, but I am sometimes grateful that it is female dominated and I don’t have to deal with some of the STEM bullshit many (but of course not all) women experience. Although, like biology, you can watch its credibility as a discipline decrease as its percentage of female participation increases. And of course, it’s funny to sit in the big psych conference room in a class of 20 with 2 or 3 men, and glance around at all the Deans and Associate Deans of the last 20 years or so. That’s a lot of bearded old dudes!
“I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.”
There’s a series that was on the History Channel that examined a lot of the issues of long-term space travel. A couple invented a suit with a velcroed flap that you could then stick to your partner. So, the heavy duty velcro held the couple together on the vomit comet, which was demonstrated on TV.
@Viscaria: I hear you about the generational differences! Even in biology the professors skew male; I had a slightly surreal class a while ago where 2 middle-aged/old male professors were explaining the female reproductive system to a bunch of 20-something female grad students. At least they were aware enough to shush when one of us pulled rank on how exactly birth control functions on the user end, though that didn’t stop them from giggling like little boys while looking at the histological slides of the uterus and whatnot. :p
Sure, any sex in space would look adorkable, I just specified “gay” sex because I was imagining twice as many dicks floating around willy-nilly. Float, float. Waggle. XD
…I may or may not be super immature right now.
I’m held to a higher standard of accuracy than any of the usual MRA suspects could meet even in the US, and all I’m writing about is music/art/fashion. Granted that this is more about credibility than it is about being sued (libel laws here being rather weak). but still, I can’t imagine any journalist reading, say, Slavey’s rants and not laughing at the sources he attempts to use as cites.
(The Daily Mail? Really?)
It’s three-ways in zero G that are really challenging, because no one likes to solve the three-body problem.
If people have sex in space, do they call that joining the half a million miles high club?
If you’re in orbit, then I guess so, but if you’re actually far enough away from Earth at some point you’re not really “high” anymore on account of so little gravity, right? Hm. …Yeesh, sex in space is complicated!
@katz: Be that as it may, I at least like watching them try to solve it…
katz: Grooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooan. (I approve.)
Ami: I’ve been a soldier (interrogator), a machinist, a film projectionist, a security guard, as well as reporter, photographer and author.
So… what does that make me… man, or feminist?
thebionicmommy: I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.
You are too late. There is a woman who has been working on this for years. She rents time on the Vomit Comet to test the efficacy of her various ideas. The most successful of her devices I know of is a sort of fitted snuggle-sack, for two, but she’s made dozens.
“You are too late. There is a woman who has been working on this for years. She rents time on the Vomit Comet to test the efficacy of her various ideas.”
WHO IS THIS AWESOME LADY?
Honestly, it’s good to know that people are looking into these sorts of things. I wonder if anyone is doing any research into things like weightless childbirth or surgical procedures.
Molly: She’s a bit daffy. I forget her name, and for all that she’s working on this, she wants to limit it to married people, or something.
I forget the details, but she seems fairly tradtional, and a bit confused, if interested in something which stands out.
I wonder if my ob-gyn would think I’m a weirdo if I asked him about the possibility of zero gravity childbirth? It really makes me curious to know if it’s safe or possible.
I can’t believe there already is someone working on the issue of space sex. I learn something new every day.
I’m sure you could do tests with mice or rats regarding zero gravity birth or surgeries.
Is a water birth supposed to approach, in part, a more weightless environment? Or is it just that liquid is comfy? ‘Cause that seems like the cheapest type of pseudo-zero G birth you could do (and certainly mammals do it all the time.)
bionicmommy: I can’t see anyway to arrange for zero-G (other than water as neutral) which doesn’t involve serious positive-G.
Space elevator! …Or did you mean a way that actually currently exists? :p
Well, water does help you feel more weightless (swimming is great for later pregnancy for that reason….wish I could get to a pool) but I think it’s quite a bit different than zero-G. I think they’re going to have to start with rats/mice (assuming they haven’t already; I seem to remember something years ago about pregnant small animals being sent to space).
Be interesting to find out. I’d imagine water breaking & all the blood afterward would make it horribly messy. Not to mention all the other bodily function involved in labour & delivery.
Be interesting to find out. I’d imagine water breaking & all the blood afterward would make it horribly messy. Not to mention all the other bodily function involved in labour & delivery.
I think having some sort of vacuum on hand would be essential.
I mean aside from the cold, dark vacuum of space obviously.
I’m now imagining something like those little sucking tubes dentists use when your teeth are cleaned and rinsed… Combo childbirth + dentist visit = most fun medical procedure EVAH. XD
It might be simpler to make all space deliveries be done by Cesarean.
Low but non-zero gee would alleviate many of the problems and retain most of the benefits, I think. Having a bowling ball-sized belly for the third trimester is bad enough at one gee! The moon is about 1/6th gee, which would be lovely – and rotating 2001-style space stations would have a centrifugal equivalent. Space hotels wanted, stat!
bionicmommy: I don’t think zero-G is a good place for surgery. The problem of drainage is increased, and working in zero-G has a lot of physics problems. The had to redesign a lot of the ways people do things because gravity makes it possible to keep some of the effects of the laws of motion less obvious.
They had to find ways to brace themselves to do all sorts of things that are no problem in a gravity field.
When I’m standing on the ground I can, because of gravity, borrow the mass of the earth to keep the effects of equal and opposite reactions from spinning me around when I need to break a bolt free. If I put all that energy into, say freeing a lug-nut, when there isn’t gravity to keep the car on the ground, I’ll end up lifting the car, not removing the nut. It was more exhausting to do labor in a zero-G field than in a 1-G one.
The problems for surgery are that things won’t stay put, as reliably, when you move them, and they are more likely to move on their own, etc.
Yeah, I really can’t imagine a cesarean in zero-G. It’s bad enough they lift your uterus out & put it on your belly in order to sew it closed, can’t imagine having it floating there while they do that. *shudder*
I think you’d need a giant vacuum bag for normal birth. You’d just have to be careful to turn it off when the baby is crowning. And watch that it’s really, really low suction or I can think of several bad things that could happen.
Erm…sorry, I’m more than a bit of a birth junkie, if I could get/afford training, I’d be a midwife. The weirdest things are interesting.
“Just imagine what would happen if a female-infested space crew had an encounter of the third kind with some really handsome space alien dudes – the interstellar equivalents of Brad Pitt.”
George Clooney is a favorite go-to guy of the MRAsphere to exemplify what we wimmenz think is “hot”.
Dude is old as hell.