Men’s Rights Redditor: Watch out ladies, or we’ll make Friend Zoning illegal!
So the Men’s Rightsers over on Reddit are getting worked up over the evils of women “friend zoning” men, and one especially angry fellow by the name of andreipmbcn has a warning for the ladies: if they don’t watch themselves, the men’s rights movement might just rise up and make friend zoning illegal:
What this means is not exactly clear to me. Would women actually be required to have sex with all men who are aggressively “nice” towards them? Who knows. But judging from the dozens of upvotes andre’s comment got, Reddit MRAs like the sound of it.
(Thanks to Cloudiah for pointing me to this lovely comment.)
Posted on May 16, 2013, in all about the menz, beta males, evil sexy ladies, friend zone, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, nice guys, not-quite-explicit threats, oppressed men, playing the victim, rape culture, reddit and tagged friend zone, men's rights, misogyny, MRA, reddit. Bookmark the permalink. 166 Comments.
Aw, thanks, Gillian!
If they admitted that women were people, then they might have to consider that we have feelings that can be hurt too. Like when you’ve been hanging out with someone for months, thinking they were your friend, and the second they find out you broke up with your boyfriend they try to grab your boobs and you realize they were just waiting for that chance. /still pissed after all these years
Aw man, lumi, that sucks.
I know what it’s like to be still pissed about something way less than sexual battery after all these years, and it’s not happy. Jedi hugs if you want them!
“Sorry, bro, women are not machines you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.” <- Saw this quote in a blog and it fits perfectly with this issue. If the only reason you are nice to her is to have sex with her, you are NOT her friend.
The “friend zone” idea doesn’t hold any emotional resonance for me. If I’m attracted to a woman, I usually either ask her out casually right away, or ignore my attraction because pursuing it makes no sense for other reasons (like, she’s married or in a relationship; or, I’m her supervisor [or vice versa], and dating would create too many ethical issues; or she’s given me no indication that my attraction is reciprocated; etc.). And if the woman I asked out declines my invitation, I just move on, and maintain polite contact with her whenever our paths cross again. I’ve actually had some great friendships and productive professional relationships begin that way.
This is not to say I haven’t suffered from some painful rejections. Sure, I have. But a particular woman’s decision not to date me isn’t a character flaw on her part. She’s entitled to her reasons, whatever they are.
And besides, the idea of lingering around a woman I was “secretly” attracted to seems like a huge waste of time, if nothing else. There are tons of single, heterosexual, cis-gendered women in the world, and there’s no sense in me depriving myself of the opportunity to meet a new potential lover, mentor, friend, or whatever else becomes of our meeting, by fixating on and lying to some woman I’ve put on a pedestal she has no desire to be on in the first place.
Thanks, Falconer. I do have a better experience - I was friends with a guy for a couple years and only found out that he was attracted to me after I had fallen in total lust (love came later) with his roommate. Things were awkward for a few months, then he got over it, we’re still friends a decade later, and I’m married to the hot roomie.
I just can’t imagine how anyone could think having more friends is a bad thing. The whole “friendzone” thing just seems like more of the “women aren’t people” thing. Just objects to use. Yuck.
That’s just…how would that work, exactly? How long would one be allowed to be friendly to a man before being legally required to have sex with them? Would there be an escape clause if you told every man you know, “I’m not going to sleep with you” every day, like, instead of “good morning?”
I don’t think everyone who has been involved with other people (i.e. not a hermit) has “friendzoned” people.
And so what?
Exactly. What’s wrong with having friends? These guys act like women are some alien species or something.
Once, when I was young and Internet-naïve, I made the mistake of going on a message board calling “Ask a Dating Expert” because I wanted advice on following up after a date I’d had, wanting to communicate that I wasn’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship but I would be interested in keeping in touch and being friends. And I stressed that I really wanted to do this in a way that respected his feelings, because, you know, I’m a nice person and I care about people’s feelings.
My mistake was that this “Ask a Dating Expert” forum was actually a gathering place for friend zoney Nice Guys, and they all “yelled” at me for daring to not want to hurt someone’s feelings and liking them as a person without necessarily wanting to screw them. One guy even told me what I was doing was “pulling the wings off a beautiful butterfly.” Good Lord. I only met the guy twice in my life, and I was also trying to be careful not to assume that he was all that into *me.” I just wanted to be a decent person and be honest with someone.
@Kittehserf Yes we certainly can drop that meme. My apologies.
How many people here have had someone whine because they were told straight up the first time you met them that you weren’t interested in dating at the time? Six months later I went on a date and the dude I told six months prior I wasn’t into dating (at that time) threw a hissy fit. I’m not a restaurant, it aint first come first served. Also, why the hell wouldn’t you have found someone else to date by now if that’s what you wanted to do? Oh right, I’m not like “all those other girls”. Wev.
So… This guy created a whiny thread on r/MensRightsMeta where he says “A lot of really degenerate people seem to have taken an issue with” his comment and expects everyone to agree with him. He is not popular with the “meta” crowd, though it is clear that most of the downvotes came from sources other than r/mr. As “PersianMale” puts it, “This was at +62 before the downvote brigade came along. Clearly the majority of us agree with him.”
But don’t worry, andreipmbcn has figured it all out:
He’s a real law-and-order type, this mister.
Cheer up, emo kid! If these people are over the age of about 17 they should be mocked without mercy.
He thinks downvoting should be illegal too?
So let me get this straight: The +62 vote is a good sign and an indication that the majority of people out there agree with us. So, keep posting. If the trolls downvote, that’s a trolling problem and no indication of disagreement by decent people.
If people agree with you that means you are right? If they disagree that means you are more right?
So the only sign you aren’t right is that people ignore you?
Hell, sometimes she is with a perfectly nice person, but we’re still told she ought to dump him and hook up with the hero. Like in Sleepless in Seattle, the fiance seems cool and nice and funny and into her, but he has allergies, and obviously you can’t actually want to marry someone with allergies, so she has to dump him. (I have allergies too so I take this rather personally.)
Quoted in bold for truth, Gillian! That’s my life entirely. Mercifully I don’t know any NiceGuyTMs, but it’s All Other Men who’re ghosts as far as my romantic or sexual desires are concerned; only one is present and real.
@sonofadiddly - apology accepted with thanks!
(I get niggly about it ‘cos my hubby wears fedoras, plus I think they’re really nice hats anyway.)
@ kittehserf: off-topic, but I agree. I like fedoras, too (and two of my favorite characters wear them).
I’ve got it! This whole system of exchange would work a lot more effectively with swipe cards. No need for contracts and paper trails and log books. This is the 21st century, people.
We can all just carry around swipe cards to keep track of how many sex points we’re owed, and the computer will sort it all out for us at each repair job.
M Klein - three of mine do, too! (Foyle and Milner in Foyle’s War and Blake in The Doctor Blake Mysteries). Who are the two you mentioned?
Bob Goblin - I just hope the swipe card would work better than the rubbish ones on our public transport here.
So then do you swipe her vag to redeem it?
Ouch!
::crosses legs::
I think it is HILARIOUS that these guys think snagging a woman and having sex with her only to never speak to her again, even if you led her to believe you liked her for more than sex, is fine. Actually it is applauded.
But if a woman so much as bats an eyelash at a man without having sex with him it is a crime.
Amazing.
@Katz: There’s also this weird ending with Sleepless where the first boyfriend seems more or less fine with her dumping him, so I think we ought to understand that he didn’t really love her that much.