>New and Improved Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl.
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Recently, “game” guru Roissy offered his readers a list of “Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl.” Most were fairly standard pick up artist tricks of the “act like an aloof jerk and she’ll worship you” variety. According to Roissy, though, these little tricks will miraculously enable guys
to date women one to three points higher than you could be expected to get by societal standards. Do these to a girlfriend and you will be a god to her. A god among penii.
A few examples:
Don’t call back right away. Done properly, you will start to hear girls say things like “I didn’t hear back from you. You were making me nervous!”
Don’t live together. It’s much harder to project mystery living under the same roof, watching each other fold laundry every week. (Not to mention side action will be more difficult to coordinate.)
Cancel dates. (Make the reason seem apparently legitimate, but suspicious.)
Muse wistfully about past lovers.Never do her a favor before you’ve had sex with her.
Never laugh at her jokes, even when they’re funny. If you must, chuckle under your breath.
When at her place, eat all her food, leave the seat up, change her TV channels, and torture her cat. Act like it’s your second home.
Bo-ring. These tricks may have worked on women once upon a time, but today’s women are far too sophisticated to fall for these tired old ruses . If you really want to score with the hot babes of today, you’ve got to kick your game up a notch — or three. To help, I have come up with some “New and Improved Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl.”
Wear a banana peel on your head like a hat. This will help to create an aura of “mystery” around yourself, as well as a lovely banana-y scent that will follow you everywhere.
Poke her nose playfully after sex and say, in a cheerful voice, “Hitler was right about you!” She will ponder this one for days.
Never laugh at her jokes. Instead, fall to the floor and begin singing “Rock Me Amadeus.”
Go out on “dates” with imaginary people. Introduce her to these people, and slyly suggest a “threesome.” (Or a “foursome,” if you are dating two imaginary people at the same time.)
Muse wistfully about butter.
Don’t buy her gifts. Instead, sneak clumps of dirt into her lingerie drawer.
Never call her back right away. Instead, hide under her bed and make low moaning sounds.
If you end up in an argument with her, shout out “mom always loved you better!” Then set her couch on fire.
Don’t move in with her. Instead, move into the apartment above hers, and watch her through tiny holes drilled in the floor.
When at her place, eat her cat, torture her TV, and replace her toilet with a sack of potatoes. Act like Meryl Streep in Sophie’s Choice, including the accent.
Go forth, my young apprentices, and score like never before!
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Posted on February 2, 2011, in douchebaggery, I'm totally being sarcastic, sex. Bookmark the permalink. 216 Comments.
>I call into question their claims they get anyone into bed.
>> "Superior" and "inferior" are meaningless words in an entirely naturalistic context; there is only what's adaptive to an environment and what's not.Hang on, it's species that adapt, not sexes of species (not sure if that's what you were trying to say, but that's how it reads)Sex A of a species cannot independently evolve to be better adapted than the sex B of the same species, because they have the same genome.For example, with respect to evolutionary biology, the queen bee of a given species is neither more or less adapted than drones or workers of the same species. The species cannot function without queens, drones, and workers, and is under evolutionary pressure not to permit queens, drones, and workers to mutate into competing species.Same thing with humans. The sexes can't compete with each other for reproductive success, since they don't have independent reproductive success.Competition between individuals for mates is part of sexual selection, not natural selection, and the traits selected for by sexual selection are not necessarily adaptive-but they get selected for anyway.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_selection
>Hang on, it's species that adapt, not sexes of species (not sure if that's what you were trying to say, but that's how it reads)Well, you're right, but what I meant to say was that "superior" and "inferior" imply value judgements meaningless in a naturalistic context. There is only whether or not you pass on your genes, perhaps would be a better way to put it. Now, of course, we needn't go by *only* scientific definitions, of course. The MRAs might argue that women are "inferior" to men in all the ways that matter to human beings, even if they still manage to reproduce. Still, as I said, I suppose I'm looking in the wrong place if I wanted to hear a refutation of that. Again, pardon me for wasting your time.
[Pedant] The plural of penis is penes. [/pedant]
“Why’d you break up with him?”
“He never called me back, kept cancelling dates, and constantly talked about his exes. He never laughed at my jokes except sometimes, when he’d make this weird, guttural suppressed-laughter noise. He ate all my food and abused my cat. Also, he referred to men as ‘penii.’”
“Never laugh at her jokes. Instead, fall to the floor and begin singing “Rock Me Amadeus.”
I would honestly be very attracted to anyone who did this to me. Not even kidding