Female troubles
Truly, they is.
JayJet of Happy Bachelors has a few wise words for men who think it’s even possible to have a “friendship” with a female of the species:
The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with women is that women are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a romantic partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/cuddle-bitch/money-tool/emotional tampon so you can meet their needs at your expense. …
You’re better off not having friendships with women for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a female is simple: Sex. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.
But it could be worse. They could be alien females. And we all know what they do.
That’s right. They inhale your gonads. And not in a sexy way, either.
Let’s let Eddie Murphy explain, in this clip from Bowfinger (which for some reason won’t embed here properly).
Like this:
Posted on July 9, 2011, in evil women, I'm totally being sarcastic, men who should not ever be with women ever, MGTOW, MGTOW paradox, misogyny, penises, sex. Bookmark the permalink. 103 Comments.
OK, I don’t have a ton of time to read the whole threads here anymore. It’s worse than Sadly, no, I swear.
So I am a bad person, because I find myself skimming to find the Usual Troll Suspects, because I know they will be horrible and stupid, and that commenters will fillet them nicely.
So I am a bad person, but zombie, yanno.
What it comes down to is this:
Men sexually objectify lots of women, and thus they are desperate for a way to find a method that works on all of them, and they can’t stand it when they realize they can’t find the single answer to that equation.
So basically, these types of guys are socially awkward/inadequate and decide to take their frustration out on women who they perceive to be “using” them. Boo-hoo!
Well, I’m into S&M, so I’m on a road filled with pain either way.
@alphaassholecockcarousel: Thank you so much for making my night with that comment.
A friend of mine said that this guy stole his comment from Sam Kinison.
“She says, ‘Can’t we be still like see each other once in a while and have lunch or see a movie? Just to be friends?’ I said ‘Yeah, friends, I think I know what you mean. I’ve become some kind of emotional tampon that you need four or five days a month when no one else will take your F—ING bullshit. But we don’t F–K, right? Isn’t that what friends is, we don’t F–K, right
Well, I’m into S&M, so I’m on a road filled with pain either way.
Ohh, baby, somebody needs a spanking!
Not only have I been blessed with roughly equal numbers of male and female friends in my life…. I’ve had the experience of becoming attracted to a kind, caring, close, heterosexual male friend, and asking him out - Only to discover he was only hanging around me because he was interested in my friendship! Which continued on as before!
I don’t get where the not-sexing-your-friends thing got into these guy’s heads. I, and others, have mentioned the various ways they get with friends. I don’t anymore because I have FoSB, obviously. But maybe these dudes should get more feminist, sex positive friends who are ok with the idea. Granted then these sorts of men would screech “SLUT!”, so, you can’t win, really.
@filetofswordfish: the fact that they cannot win fills me with unholy evil fymynst glee!
Truly, though, the absolutely rigid binary structure they’ve locked themselves into is sooo depressing in so many ways.
Funny thing is if you reverse the two paragraphs in the Happy Bachelor post it makes complete sense. Condense it down a bit and the problem becomes even clearer. “You’re better off not having friendships with women… your purpose for being with a female is simple: sex.” and “…friendships are so tough to maintain with women… conditioned to ‘use you.’”
Except I’d modify that last sentence to “…conditioned to ‘use you’ back.”
Call it the used car sales conundrum — the context is that no matter how friendly, helpful, approachable, aloof, negative, positive, clueless, well-informed, naive, experienced the parties are the relationship is generally adversarial enough that trust is close to zero and “use” is therefore high. For better or worse, on a used car lot cynicism, mistrust, and (mutual) exploitation are the order of the day. Any customer who wanders onto a lot with an open heart will leave with an empty wallet. Any salesperson who’s genuinely generous will leave not only with an empty wallet but, significantly, they’ll leave the lot with a bad reputation for being unable to “score” in the eyes of their peers and managers. The first might be hard, the second can be catastrophic because customers come and go (and for some reason rarely return) while your boss and co-workers are there for as long as you can keep your job… by screwing your customers hard enough that it hurts but not so hard they call a lawyer, a legislator, or a cop.
While that really might be the only way to do business on a used-car lot it’s not the only way to have relationships with the opposite sex, sexual or otherwise.
What’s tough, though, is that Bachelor guy thinks he’s revealing a basic insight. Instead he’s just actively polishing a set of gender stereotypes he clearly (and sensibly!) detests.
figleaf
I made a cartoon with you guys in mind. Imagine the comments thread will get interesting:
filetofswedishfish - yup, me too. I’ve had sex with several of my friends (including a couple of female friends) and some of my very best friends are exes of mine. But these days I am being at least temporarily monogamous (“temporarily” being “seven years*” which is the longest I’ve been monogamous ever. We don’t expect that to last our whole lives but it works right now.). I still do occasionally make out with friends though
*actually our 7 year anniversary is next Tuesday!
Happy Anniversary!
I don’t get where the not-sexing-your-friends thing got into these guy’s heads.
Probably because most of them cross the Douchebag Threshold for being the sort of person that their (few) female friends would enjoy having sex with. I’m currently monogamous, but I’ve slept with several friends before and enjoyed the experience. It’s awesome if you’re both just looking for a physical connection without a romantic one. Then again, current bf and I were friends for years before hopping into bed together, so you never know.
Could you please be a bit more discrete about your sexual encounters and whom you had sex with? Thanks.
The whole emotional tampon thing pops up again and again. And yet it’s pretty hard to imagine a person trusting these dudes enough to open up about their feelings to them. Do women like sharing deeply personal parts of themselves with guys who don’t give a shit?
a) I think you mean discreet.
b) How is she not being discreet? She didn’t name any names; she just said she’s boinked her guy friends before.
Graham, that’s hilarious! I just did a post about it.
Marc, why the hell do you care? Thanks.
Snowy: I think Marc’s hoping we’lll all start posting steamy stories and he’ll have blackmail material, or something.
I may be giving him too much credit.
I once had sex in a parking lot… and a stairwell… and several elevators….
xD
Also on the moon! :3
Wanking material more like it, Ithiliana.
I have had lots of male friends. When I was growing up, I was a bit of a tomboy, so my very best friends were two boys who would build christmas tree forts with me, and climb trees, and play ghost hunters, etc. I was very bad at being a stereotypical girly girl at that point.
I am very good at it now.
As I got older, I still had male friends at least on the same level as female friends. One I slept with, and it was okay, and we’re both friends still, the rest I did not (except of course my husband who is not only my husband but my bestest friend ever). Currently my non-husband very best friend is a guy who I’ve known 11 years. He and his wife put me up for free in their basement when I moved across country but for the most part, I’ve been the one supporting him through serious life issues. I would never in a kajillion years sleep with him. He is not my type whatsoever, nor am I his. We consider eachother adopted siblings, and I consider his daughters my nieces (and the youngest who has known me most of her life considers me her aunt).
*posts a super seeekret sex story that only the “in crowd” gets to hear about*
Seriously, Marc, speak for yourself.
“I once had sex in a parking lot… and a stairwell… and several elevators….
xD
Also on the moon! :3″
Totally unrelated but did anyone ever had sex in space? I suppose sex without gravity is possible but did anyone try it? I mean, after we finally managed to destroy planet earth and have to flee to space this issue becomes kind of important.
FoS: He’s aiming for a commission? And he has oustanding debts? You can get them paid. The easy way (which is to say the one that will do him the least harm) is to send a copy of the records, and an explanation, to his CO. That will put a fire under his ass.
If you tell his CO that this has been going on long enough that you are considering a small claims, or other legal, action it will light a moderate fire under the CO’s ass, since that would hamper the granting of a clearance (esp. if he’s branching for something which requires a TS), and that’s something the CO won’t want, because it will hurt the CO’s “Q status” on his MTOE. Don’t worry about the jargon, it’s just that a hit on his subordinates ability to do their jobs reflects on him, and unpaid debts (esp. in officers) are a big no-no in the Army.
ami: I don’t find it odd, to read, “males/females” but that’s because in the Army we use the locution, “males” and “females” when referring to circumstances where the sex of the particpants matters.
All of my sex has been discrete. Most of it has also been discreet.
I did once have sex in an indiscreet place. No, not the rear, well, okay, yes the rear, but I was refering to something different here. It was an employees only lockable restroom. I also used to get bathroom passes in high school and middle school when I was bored and go to the bathroom and masturbate (I grew up in a double wide with really thin walls and hence am the master of being able to orgasm without making a noise).
I felt the need to overshare, because I do not want to feel like the only discreet one about.
Apparently, Marc thinks that women talking about sex is desperately unladylike. ‘Discreet’ to him means that women are supposed to shut up and pretend that they don’t have sex; much less enjoy it.
I find the whole “men and women can’t be friends” movement baffling. Less than a decade ago it was considered natural and cool to have good friends of both genders. Here’s another weird thing, and I hope not to take it off topic or open a new can of worms - but for mostly career reasons I’ve met a fair number of Muslim guys over the last couple of years, and most express or demonstrate really positive attitudes about friendship with the opposite sex. Here is this supposedly woman-oppressing religion, and the guys I know are really progressive and friendly, while the American male is more and more getting told it’s time to retreat to a previous century.