A Voice for Men takes the last gravy train to Clicheville
Over on A Voice for Men, Paul Elam is knocking the clichés out of the park! In a post about … oh, something about feminists being about to get their big comeuppance, who the fuck cares, all his posts are pretty much the same at this point, he explains how the mean feminists’
gravy train is about to derail, and that right quickly. One set of wheels is already off the track. … the choo choo is hittin’ poo poo.
That’s right, the metaphorical feminist gravy train is metaphorically derailing into a metaphorical mountain of metaphorical poop.
After a few more paragraphs of this poopery, Elam offers up a bit of inspiration for his troops:
[T]he times they are a changing. The worm is turning and lies are burning. Their whole house of cards is about to go up in a puff. What you are seeing is just the desperation that comes with them waking up to it.
Believe me, it does my heart good. Just to see their frantic scrambling to point the finger at me and my brothers, while they comically pretend our sisters aren’t standing right next to us, every time one more their lies bites the dust, is an absolute highlight in my day.
Must be time to crank up the action around here.
And then he really kicks it into high gear:
Keep your eye on the ball, boys. Put the pedal to the metal. Wake up and smell the coffee, feminists, because the shoe is on the other foot now! We’re burning the candle at both ends - because when the going gets tough the tough get going. What goes around comes around. Feminists and manginas, you made your bed, now you’re going to have to lie in it. The tide’s beginning to turn, all you gender ideologues and your lackeys at the SPLC, and it looks like there’s a new sheriff in town! Remember, nice guys finish last. And it ain’t over till the fat lady sings!
Ok, that’s not really Elam any more. That’s just a bunch of random clichés borrowed from Steve’s Cliché List, with some references to feminists and manginas and the Southern Poverty Law Center shoved in here and there.
Huh. I think I just figured out how Elam writes his posts.
EDITED TO ADD: For whatever reason, this post is no longer up at AVFM; here’s the Google cache version. Read the comments there too; quite a little shitstorm going on there.
Like this:
Posted on April 14, 2012, in a voice for men, antifeminism, block that metaphor, grandiosity, I am making a joke, MRA, paul elam, worst writing in the history of the universe. Bookmark the permalink. 261 Comments.
There is no need to be so rude,
oh craver of synthetic flesh.
I think that you’re just jealous dude,
because you know our rhymes are fresh.
Like the great Quixote, he wheeled his horse about,
his ardour, like his breath, steaming from his snout.
With justice, he roared,
against bigotry, abhorred;
for when Antsy’s in town, Gender Studies, look out!
@AntZ:
Bro, you wish you could rhyme like us,
Troll our trolls all the time like us…
Bro, you couldn’t be sublime like us,
No matter how you try.
Just try and match our Logger’s Limericks.
You’re nothin compared to Dracula’s tricks.
Cloudiah’s verse will leave you a mix,
‘Gainst Kirby’s sonnets you’ll fry.
Welcome to manboobz, home of the snark.
We’ll knock your bigot ass out of the park
With written word zingers leaving you in the dark…
You’re out of your league, son. Time to say goodbye.
BIGOTS: a prose poem in 14 stanzas
By Anthony Zarat
I.
A wonderful gift for men, boys, and fathers!
Courtesy of the feminist grinch-army of snivelling curs
and gutless jellyfish
who defend their entrenched privilege
with craven slander against the most
impactful civil rights movement of the third millennium
II.
One day soon, men AND
women will have fulfilling, long-term exclusive
relationships
with computerassisteddreamstatevirtualpartners
who exist only in our minds.
III.
Love,
adventure,
compassion,
encouragement,
and
partnership
are all phenomena that manifest entirely within
our minds.
IV.
The wasteful and destructive
conflicts that
invariably result from attempts
by men
and women to
share space and life will no longer
be necessary.
V.
I expect that men and women
will drift
into separate and rarely interracting species,
each of which will prosper more by
the absence of the other.
VIII. Physical Biosciences
The imaginative human mind will stitch together
the rest.
Initially, drugs may be needed
to boost Oxytocin.
IX.
The tactic is using fringe cases
(child-like-in-appearance)
as a convenient short-cut to the slippery slope
that leads to illegality
(and continued enslavement of men by feminist modern marriage).
X.
Your intolerance and bigotry boggles the imagination.
XI.
Meanwhile, boob king Futrelle
sings a mighty sermon, stirring the faithful
into a frothy fury
because a few MRAs responded to an April fool’s joke
by saying it would be OK to
tummy punch
a GF to prevent
“genetic material” theft.
XII.
Danny’s head was the size of a navel orange at birth
(4 inches).
My FOREIGN BRIDE pushed three times and popped him out.
I do believe that she is baked
from tougher dough than any of you.
XIII.
My dear wife looked at me and
screemed
“I .. have had .. enough .. OF THIS!!!”
and boom.
XIV.
Data collection is concluded. Time for me to go
*snap snap snap snap snap*
Er, stanzas VI and VII are invisible, by design. Yeah, I totally meant to do that.
He took Antsy as his nom de guerre,
along with a crate of new underwear:
for the battle is harsh
and it’s like a marsh
when you’re at war and you can’t wash…down there.
I’m taking a break from the books to Q this FT!!
I was going for more of a poetry-appreciation finger snap, but… Ok. O_O
Cert was denied, so the SCOTUS ruling still stands, the third cir. plays and interesting legal move, they do in fact claim that it is not a child porn ban case, but rather a general obscenity law case (which is what the Miller Standard bit is about).
This is rather important in some cases, because child porn bans are allowed to be total categorical bans and you can ban mere possession (fyi, the charge at issue in the Whorley case was not possession, but rather receiving, and involved using a public computer). This is distinct from general obscentity laws, which have to include certain first amendment exceptions for things like artistic or scientific merit, and where you can’t criminalize mere possession.
So, classing it as a child porn ruling is technically a legal mistake. It’s not a child porn ruling per se, it’s a ruling about obscene materials which happen to be obscene because they depict child characters engaging in sexual intercourse. In other words, the standards applied are the ones which would be permissable to apply in any obscenity law, not only in child porn cases. Going by the Third Cir. decision, the ban is okay because it is an acceptable obscenity ban, not because it is a child porn ban. The rules able to be applied are the ones which the government is allowed to oppose in any obscenity law, not those that apply to child pornography in and of itself. Banning virtual child porn under the auspices of child porn qua child porn is not allowed, banning virtual child porn as obscene may be allowable,
I’m not the best person to have make the case for obscenity laws, because I categorically oppose them (though the Court has ruled they are constitutional, so that’s a personal opinion not necessarily a legal one, but I do think the reasoning behind removing obscenity from first amendment protection is also total horseshit, so…). However, this case is legally an obscenity case.
@darksidecat, Thanks for the explanation.
These are indeed some dope rhymes.
@Antz, seriously? Again with the feminists-want-to-wreck-VR-sex-because-I-said-so-that’s-why ridiculousness? Sometimes I wonder if you think that you, personally, are so very important that the entire feminist movement was created solely to mess up your deeply significant life. Dude, no. Feminists do not spend hours on end plotting out how to make you miserable. Unless you’re hurting others, no feminist is going to give a damn about how you get off; much like how, unless you’re hurting others, no feminist is going to give a damn whether you prefer whip cream or syrup on your waffles. The things you do with your private time are no one’s business but yours. If you’re not causing harm to anyone, why would we care? Really? Are you confusing sex-positive feminism with the Religious Right? If so, that’s one hell of an error, because those two movements are different in some pretty fundamental ways.
@Dracula:
For this, I would like to offer you this gently-used internet. Don’t shake it, lolcats fall out.
Huh. I don’t know how I screwed up the formatting in that blockquote o_O.
It aint easy bein a dude in a world full of chicks
You aint a man, Futrelle, you just a girl with a dick
You’re the one with the man-boobs, cleavage a dark chasm
Afraid to face the facts, just speakin in sarcasm
Society is sexist towards men, we’re tryin to fight the sickness
You and your followers are just some spiteful bitches
You’re weak, you aint a fighter like me, you just a little pushy
Nothin but a douchebag hopin for some pity pussy
Sorry, no poem
It’s sad that your FOREIGN WIFE no longer finds you sexually attractive but feel fee to wank to virtual porn to your hearts content. No judgement here.
Dang, I left my dark sunglasses and my ennui at home.
I hope you at least brought your bongos.
*vigorously shakes internet, hugs all the kitties*
We can has Dracu-hugs? :3
Well, looks like I missed out on the party. GOD DAMN IT, SPHERICAL PLANET WHICH NECESSITATES THE CREATION OF TIME ZONES, WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME.
. . . and now for something completely different: AntZ, I’m flattered that you liked that sentence, and if you feel inspired to reuse it in your own writing, you’re welcome to it; I wasn’t exactly planning to sell the publication rights and retire on the proceeds. Just please, please, for the love of whatever intellectual integrity you happen to possess, don’t pretend that it’s some sort of radical expression of defiance against feminist censorship. Because, y’know, I’m a feminist, and I’m the one who wrote it. And as the last hundred or so comments should illustrate, there are more than a few feminists who agree with me.
Casper the Unfriendly MRA has written a little poem too, which I just let out of moderation; scroll up a bit to see it.
Why are MRAs incapable of rhyming?
I mean, seriously, dude, you’re 0/4 there. At least “dark chasm” and “sarcasm” looks like you made an effort, but the stress is all wrong. And “sickness” and “bitches”? Really? That’s not even close!
Also, your entire point is stupid, and I don’t understand why you guys are so obsessed with calling David fat, but really I’m more offended by the shitty rhymes.
Well OBVIOUSLY, Polliwog, fat people can’t do anything! They can’t dance, create movies, or lead countries, and no one will marry them so they’ll die alone!
I shall critique this poetry, and thus display my Education and Erudition. Thus:
It aint easy bein a dude in a world full of chicks
The ratio of male to female infants at birth is about 105:100. However, sex-selective abortion & infanticide (almost always of female embryos or infants) among various human societies has further skewed that natural ratio, which could be as high as 107. Current estimates place the world wide male:female ratio at 100 men per 101 women, hardly a staggering majority. The ratio in the US for those aged 15 to 64 is in fact, exactly 1. Assertion is false on its face.
You aint a man, Futrelle, you just a girl with a dick
You’re the one with the man-boobs, cleavage a dark chasm
Insulting our host’s masculinity rather than his arguments? Check! Implying than being feminine in any way negates said masculinity? Check! Transphobia? DoubleCheck!
Afraid to face the facts, just speakin in sarcasm
Implying that our host, by quoting the things MRA’s write on their own websites, is being disingenuous and/or willfully ignorant. Commentary presented sarcastically is not wrong by virtue of being sarcastic. Tone argument? Check!
Plus, you rhymed “chasm” with “casm”, which is a bit last, I think, considering the amply opportunity you had to use the word “orgasm.” I don’t think you were really trying with this stanza. And you neglected an apostrophe in “speakin’”, which is a pet peeve of mine.
Society is sexist towards men, we’re tryin to fight the sickness
You and your followers are just some spiteful bitches
Either unaware or unconvinced by the idea that The Patriarchy Hurts Men Too, and convinced that your cause is Righteous, and therefore any mockers/scoffers/naysayers are clearly In The Wrong and have nothing substantive to contribute. There is no room in this paradigm for self-delusion, or allowance of the possibility that there are other points of view and other (just as valid) interpretations of the same facts. Also implicit Confirmation Bias, Check!
You’re weak, you aint a fighter like me, you just a little pushy
Nothin but a douchebag hopin for some pity pussy
A return to impugning the masculinity of our host and stating that his blog and attitude are entirely predicated on hopes of having a sexual encounter with a woman sympathetic to his views. Implying that the prospect of sex with a woman is the primary motivating factor, and displaying a particularly noxious form of the transactional model of sex. Also, simply terrible slant rhyme.
fin.
Oh, man, can you imagine an MRA trying to insult Winston Churchill? That’d be amazing.
Forget that, I want them to go toe to toe with Nancy Astor.
I’ve written a brilliant couplet in response to Casper:
Hey, MRA, I think you’re poopy
And no one will ever call you “shmoopy.”
guys i think that was actually supposed to be a rap
which just makes it sadder
also, if it is supposed to be rap, and casper will upload a video of himself performing it to youtube, i will donate ten dollars to the mra organization of his choice
casper, if you can’t or won’t do that, for five dollars you can just upload an .mp3
I think we should insist that all of our trolls speak in verse.
Poy. Poy. Poyo. Poy.
Announcer: “Let’s give it up, for Rapper Kirby!”
It ain’t easy being male in a world full of dudes
Delusioned of opression with obnoxious attitudes
Who think that women sexually should never have a choice
And even hint suggestively to cut away her voice.
Oppression of these people is the kind all assholes share
When people call them on their shit, exposing to the air
Their vast misogyny as they longingly look forward to the day
When society lies in ruins ’cause they didn’t have their way.
You think you are a fighter, well then what precisely for
When all of your compatriots are demanding that the score
Be evened out by breeding out a woman’s independence,
Or hijacking law by freeing even guilty rape defendants?
Your cadence is pathetic, and your insults are benign,
I’ve seen some better rhyming from my third-grade valentine.
Your cause is just a backlash against progress, and it’s sore
That men aren’t special citizens the way they were before.
Facts? Don’t make me laugh. Wouldn’t know ‘em if they bit you.
Just make sure when throwing stones a shard of bullshit doesn’t hit you.
I think we should insist that all of our trolls speak in verse.
Rhymes fly when the trolls are dumb.
Kirby, that was the best rap ever! And that’s saying something because I kinda stopped seeing a dude for suddenly rapping. In my defense, though, it was poorly put together and pro-capitalist and libertarian to boot. And he was convinced it was brilliant.
I’m going to have to assume that the chorus is a chopped-and-screwed section of “Fuck Their Shit Up”.
“Pity pussy?” Dude, there are WAY more efficient methods to get laid than starting a blog.
Ayo Kirbs, I’m going in
Invisible? Disposable? Nah, I see you
and I see what you write and it’s backwards #hebrew
Wanna know who’s got the answers here? We do!
Kirbs is sick of your bullshit - guess what, me too!
Nice Guys keep comin’ back like the sea do
Chastised for black eyes? “What about the ladies out there who like to smack guys?”
To you, it’s like this patriarchy never existed
This beat is now officially the point, ’cause you missed it.
Women, children everywhere first? Prove it!
“Activists” won’t even stand up like they hate movement
Not me, I’m headed to the town for some bon bons
You is all fluff and no substance #pom-poms
The name is lowquacks, I’m in demand no doubt,
now everybody out there getcha Man Boobz out!
(cut back to chorus)
…That was bad and I should feel bad.
Most. Epic. Freestyling. Ever.
keystyling*.
And thanks.
*highfives lowquacks*
Wait… Hang on…
*lowfives lowquacks*
*daps Kirby*
Did you steal a jumbuck? Cause you’re drowning in swag, man.
My pussy* would only lie on David’s chest and stare at him while he was trying to sleep. Or on his side if he has enough cushion space.
*pussy is Anne the Cat who normally claws everyone to death who is not me and sometimes my roommate.
That was awesome, too, lowquacks!
I hope you both don’t mind if I copy and paste those into a word document just so I can read them whenever I feel like laughing in a good way?
@Alex:
I don’t mind at all.
@lowquacks:
I put that jumbuck in Tucker’s bag. We’re going waltzing! Matilda’s with me.
Me too! Me toooooo!
lowquacks and Kirby, I rarely comment. But those were freaking amazing and I have to applaud you both.
Kirby and lowquacks - Good show.
Casper - So, society is sexist against men, huh? Is that why you chose to characterize our gracious host as incompetent and weak by calling him a girl? All that internalized anti-male sexism? Get fuckin’ clue, dude. You’re damned out of your own mouth.
@Dracula
I go by “flowquacks” in the rap game, thanks.
My apologies.
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